Bildungsromans; English fiction -- 20th century; Women musicians -- Fiction
“Then why do you treat me as you do? Why do you despise me? You
_do_ despise me! I know you do. Why do you feel that you ought to
control yourself just because you have a desire to come and see me?”
“Not because I despise you. I despise nobody. Who am I to----”
“There you are again! Do you think I’m not clever enough to see the
sly way you wriggle off the point? I’m not as clever as you, maybe,
but I am clever enough to be hurt by what you say! The only way you
can truthfully say you don’t despise me is by saying you don’t despise
anybody! Do you really think I am dull enough not to see that? Oh, Mr.
Verreker, what have I done? What _have_ I done?”
“You are being foolish, Miss Weston.... You have----”
“Miss Weston now, eh? Something else. Do you think I don’t notice
these things? Do you know the last time you ever called me Cathie? I
don’t suppose you remember, but I do: it was on May 19th last. Over six
months ago.”
“This is childish,” he muttered scornfully, and his lips curled in
contempt. He turned away from her and began walking about the room.
“Childish, is it?--Is it childish to be hurt at little things that show
you’re going down--in the--estimation of people you--you--whom you
like?”
“I have given you no valid indication that you have gone down in my
estimation.”
“Do you deny that I have?”
“It is a matter I do not care to discuss.... At any rate you have
grossly exaggerated the whole affair....”
“What I want to know is, why are you disappointed with me? Why have you
left me alone this last fortnight?”
“I have already told you that I wanted to see you very intensely.”
“Why?”
“I can think of no satisfactory reason.”
“What do you mean by ‘satisfactory’?”
“I mean what I say. I can think of no reason satisfactory to me--that
satisfies me.”
“And aren’t there any reasons at all why a normal person might wish to
see me’?”
“Arguing is quite useless if you accept as a hypothesis that I am a
normal person.”
“Aren’t there any reasons at all, then, why you might want to come and
see me?”
“Possibly there are.”
“Couldn’t you think of any?”
“No, I could not.”
She became fiercely passionate again.
“Mr. Verreker,” she said, “I’ll tell you one thing for your own good,
and for the good of everybody you meet who gets to know you well. You
ought to be more kind. You ought to consider other people’s feelings.
You ought not to say things that hurt. You ought to put yourself on
the level of people who feel. Do you know you have hurt me more than
ever I have been hurt before?”
She was crying now. She leaned on the back of a chair and bent her head
on her hands. There was something very wildly tragic in her attitude.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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