Americans -- Philippines -- Fiction; Short stories
I stood there above him and poured out
vituperation for five good minutes. I found the most extraordinary
epithets; I lowered my voice and pierced him with venomous thrusts. He
took it all. He remained seated on his bed, his revolver across his
knees, looking straight at some spot on the floor; whenever I'd become
particularly effective he'd merely look harder at the spot, as if for
him it contained something of higher significance--a command, a rule, a
precept--I don't know what, and then he'd say, 'No, Ah cain't; Ah cain't
affawd it.'
"I burst out of there, a-roar like a bombshell. I rode down to Dent; we
rode down to the place and did--what there was to be done. Miller, I
never wanted to see again.
"But I did. Some three weeks later a carrier came to me with a note--a
pencilled scrawl upon a torn piece of paper. It read:
"'I think I am dying. Can you come see me?
"'MILLER.'
"I went down right away. He was dead. He had died there, alone, in his
filthy little hut, in that God-forsaken pueblo, ten miles from the
nearest white man, ten thousand miles from his home. He had died there
all alone.
"I'll always remember our coming in. It was night. It had been raining
for thirty-six hours, and as we stepped into the unlighted hut, my
muchacho and I, right away the floor grew sticky and slimy with the mud
on our feet, and as we groped about blindly, we seemed ankle-deep in
something greasy and abominable like gore. After a while the boy got a
torch outside, and as he flared it I caught sight of Miller on his cot,
backed up into one corner. He was sitting upright, staring straight
ahead and a little down, as if in careful consideration. As I stepped
toward him the pliable bamboo floor undulated; the movement was carried
to him and he began to nod, very gently and gravely. He seemed to be
saying: 'No, Ah cain't affawd it.' It was atrocious. Finally I was by
his side and he was again motionless, staring thoughtfully. Then I saw
what he was considering. In his hands, which lay twined on his knees,
were a lot of little metallic oblongs. I disengaged them. The muchacho
drew nearer, and with the torch over my shoulder I examined them. They
were photographs, cheap tintypes. The first was of a woman, a poor
being, sagging with overwork, a lamentable baby in her arms. The other
pictures were of children--six of them, boys and girls, of all ages from
twelve to three, and under each, in painful chirography, a name was
written--Lee Miller, Amy Miller, Geraldine Miller, and so on.
"You don't understand, do you? For a moment I didn't understand. I
stared stupidly at those tintypes, shuffled and reshuffled them; the
torch roared in my ear. Then, suddenly, understanding came to me; it
came sharp as a pang. He had a wife and children--seven children.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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