'At Oxford they say that marriage is not the only mission for women--
that is to say, for some women. They don't despise marriage, but they
think that for some women there is another mission. When I spoke to
Mrs. Fargus about her marriage, she had to admit that she had written
to her college friends to apologise--no, not to apologise, she said,
but to explain. She was not ashamed, but she thought she owed them an
explanation. Just fancy any of the girls in Sutton being ashamed of
being married!'
The darkness was thick with wandering scents, and Mildred's thoughts
withered in the heat. She closed her eyes; she lay quite still, but
the fever of the night devoured her; the sheet burned like a flame;
she opened her eyes, and was soon thinking as eagerly as before.
She thought of the various possibilities that marriage would shut out
to her for ever. She reproached herself for having engaged herself to
Alfred Stanby, and remembered that Harold had been opposed to the
match, and had refused to give his consent until Alfred was in a
position to settle five hundred a year upon her. ... Alfred would
expect her to keep house for him exactly as she was now keeping house
for her brother. Year after year the same thing, seeing Alfred go away
in the morning, seeing him come home in the evening. That was how her
life would pass. She did not wish to be cruel; she knew that Alfred
would suffer terribly if she broke off her engagement, but it would be
still more cruel to marry him if she did not think she would make him
happy, and the conviction that she would not make him happy pressed
heavily upon her. What was she to do? She could not, she dared not,
face the life he offered her. It would be selfish of her to do so.
The word 'selfish' suggested a new train of thought to Mildred. She
argued that it was not for selfish motives that she desired freedom.
If she thought that, she would marry him to-morrow. It was because she
did not wish to lead a selfish life that she intended to break off her
engagement. She wished to live for something; she wished to accomplish
something; what could she do? There was art. She would like to be an
artist! She paused, astonished at the possibility. But why not she as
well as the other women whom she had met at Mrs. Fargus'? She had met
many artists--ladies who had studios--at Mrs. Fargus'.
She had been to their studios and had admired their independence. They
had spoken of study in Paris, and of a village near Paris where they
went to paint landscape. Each had a room at the inn; they met at meal
times, and spent the day in the woods and fields. Mildred had once
been fond of drawing, and in the heat of the summer night she wondered
if she could do anything worth doing. She knew that she would like to
try. She would do anything sooner than settle down with Alfred.
Marriage and children were not the only possibilities in woman's life.
The girls she knew thought so, but the girls Mrs. Fargus knew didn't
think so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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