Faint vestige of dawn. In sparse gray filaments dawn threads through
the night: a gradual loom of light that will thicken, that will
converge, that will become a texture.... On the street, at the door as
I step out, is a man.
He is waiting for me. He is clad in black, he stands in the black
shadow of the house: all that emerges of him is his head which is round
and white.
All of his head is white: it has a plastic and smooth pallor like the
form of certain larvæ: it is a color inhuman and yet deeply fertile. He
sees me and nods his head and I feel the black-clad body stir in the
gloom of my house. I make no sign: I begin to walk. At my rear I feel
him walk apace with me. He is behind and quiet, but he is leading me
by an invisible pressure which he holds upon the nape of my neck, the
cortex of my brain.
* * * * *
The city has that flaccid impenetrance which comes before dawn. The
rush of a car, the pelt of horses’ hoofs, the stride of a man, the
flutter of a woman, quiver like darts against the night and fall away.
Night is this impenetrable hide about the city.... We are outside the
city. A ferry-boat plethorically heaves us across the River. I stand at
the forward rail, and the white head man, lost in a shadow of drays and
draymen and slowly stamping horses, holds still his palpable pressure
on my brain.
--What if I turn about?
I look at the little waves ... the night is windless ... thridding
and skipping about the hull of the boat. Their cool tips carry dawn,
between the night of the sky and the night of the black waters.
--What if I leap in?
Will the waves hold me? They will part, treacherous and careless, and
let me sink at once to the night they dance against. I know in an
acceptance weary like age, that I can not leap into the River, and that
I cannot turn about. I feel: this guiding pressure upon the cortex of
my brain, if it were in my eyes, that it might blind me.
... We are walking in a field. This field is very clear to me, as if
its rugose stretch and its barren saliences had already picked their
measure in my brain. The coarse grass is dry and gray like autumn, on
this sultry April night. As my feet press through, the grass rustles.
The earth breaks into warty mounds, grass tufted, and falls to sudden
hollows slakish with caked mud. I walk, and though I have not seen his
form save for that moment at the door of my house, I know the white
head man following at my rear, and leading, keeping pace with my feet
so that the sound of his steps is lost in mine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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