For myself, though I felt that a hypocrite is below the level of hate, I
could not keep my composure when with affectionate blandness our visitor
dared to "discharge her sacred duty of impressing on me the guilt of
harbouring thoughts of revenge." Of course, she did not attempt it in
the presence of my mother; but my guardian was there, and doubtless knew
her intention.
It was on a Sunday after the service, and she had stayed for the
sacrament.
"My sweet child," she began, "you will excuse what I am about to say, as
I only speak for your good, and from a humble sense that it is the path
of duty. It has pleased God, in His infinite wisdom, to afflict your
dear mother with a melancholy so sensitive, that she cannot bear any
allusion to your deeply-lamented father. You have therefore no female
guidance upon a subject which justly occupies so much of your thoughts.
Your uncle Edgar, in his true affection for you, has thought it right
that you should associate more with persons calculated to develop your
mind."
Now I hate that word "develop;" and I felt my passion rising, but let
her go on:--
"Under these circumstances, it grieves me deeply, my poor dear child, to
find you still display a perversity, and a wilful neglect of the blessed
means of grace, which must (humanly speaking) draw down a judgment upon
you. Now, open your heart to me, the whole of your little unregenerate
heart, you mysterious but (I firmly believe) not ill-disposed lambkin.
Tell me all your thoughts, your broodings, your dreams--in fact, your
entire experiences. Uncle Edgar will leave the room, if you wish it."
"Certainly not," I said.
"Quite right, my dear; have no secrets from one who has been your second
father. Now tell me all your little troubles. Make me your
mother-confessor. I take the deepest interest in you. True, I am only
a weak and sinful woman, but my chastisements have worked together for
my edification, and God has been graciously pleased to grant me peace of
mind."
"You don’t look as if you had much," I cried.
Her large eyes flashed a quick start from their depths, like the stir of
a newly-fathomed sea. My guardian’s face gleamed with a smile of sly
amusement. Recovering at once her calm objective superiority, she
proceeded:
"I have been troubled and chastened severely, but now I perceive that it
was all for the best. But perhaps it is not very graceful to remind me
of that. Yet, since all my trials have worked together for my good, on
that account I am, under Providence, better qualified to advise you, in
your dark and perilous state. I have seen much of what thoughtless
people call ’life.’ But in helping you, I wish to proceed on higher
principles than those of the world. You possess, beyond question, a
strong and resolute will, but in your present benighted course it can
lead only to misery. Now, what is the principal aim of your life, my
love?"
"The death of my father’s murderer."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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