England -- Fiction; Gay men -- Fiction; Italy -- Fiction; Paranormal fiction
The night-breeze drew landward from the sea and sometimes it fell
altogether, and there was dead calm, and again he heard its whispered
approach in the trees by the lake, and presently it flowed over the
garden and streamed on to the terrace. He tried, as he so often had
done, to lay himself open to the spell that had woven the prosperity of
Stanier; he thought of Dennis heir to all its glories and possessor of
them when he had gone from this world, and at that the flicker of
jealousy, a strange offspring of love and hate, shot up in his heart.
But supposing Dennis died before he did.... Would he sooner see him
lying dead, and know that he, at any rate, would never succeed to
Stanier and its magnificence, or when death drew near to himself, see
Dennis by his bedside, and picture him assuming what was his to enjoy no
longer? On his deathbed surely he would entirely hate Dennis, and wish
that he lay there in his stead.
At the end of the long façade there stood the chapel unused since
Douglas’s departure, and Colin going back into his room let himself into
the corridor which led to it, turning up the lights as he went. He had
not been there since the night of Vincenzo’s death, and now it seemed to
him that if he sat and meditated there, where so often he had made the
consecration of himself to evil, he could arrive at some clearer and
conscious realization of it. He told himself that he hated love, and
delighted in hate, but no fervour warmed his creed. In that sanctuary of
Satan the truth of that might shine more vividly on him, and he might
get rid of that fancy that Dennis’s eyes, eager and ready to kindle; or
sad but without reproach, were watching him. Surely they would not
follow him where Dennis had never been.
Colin sat quiet in his place looking at the altar. The faint odour of
incense still hung about, but emotionally the place was dead. He thought
of Vincenzo twitching and grinning as he knelt: he thought of Douglas,
lifting high the consecrated elements, so soon to be a mockery and a
derision, but his mind gave no welcome or greeting to the
remembrance....
Well, his deeds must atone for his lack of fervour, and presently he
rose and went back through the silent house, and upstairs along the
dim-lit passage.
Suddenly the desire came to him just to look at Dennis. The boy would
certainly be asleep by now, for he must have learned that it was not
much good to keep awake, on the chance of his father coming in to say
good night. He would just open the door, turn on the light for a second
and look at him and leave him. He told himself he wanted to remind
himself that the boy would inherit all that he now loved and enjoyed;
what he concealed from himself, stuffing it away out of sight, was that
some human craving hungered for the sight of him. Dennis would be
asleep; he would get no pleasure from what he did not know.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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