American fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, American
“Quite so,” assented Ferdinand. “Women, and men too, are a pack of
samenesses. We’re all struck with the same die, of the same metal,
at the same mint. Our resemblance is intrinsic, fundamental; our
differences are accidental and skin deep. We have the same features,
organs, dimensions, with but a hair’s-breadth variation; the same
needs, instincts, propensities; the same hopes, fears, ideas. One
man’s meat is another man’s meat; one man’s poison is another
man’s poison. We are as like to one another as the leaves on the same
tree. Skin us, and (save for your fat) the most skilled anatomist could
never distinguish you from me. Women are a pack of samenesses; but, hang
it all, one has got to make the best of a monotonous universe. And
this particular woman, with her red hair and her eyes, strikes me as
attractive. She has some fire in her composition, some fire and flavour.
Anyhow, she attracts me; and—I think I shall try my luck.”
“Oh, Nunky, Nunky,” murmured Hilary, shaking his head, “I am
shocked by your lack of principle. Have you forgotten that you are a
married man?”
“That will be my safeguard. I can make love to her with a clear
conscience. If I were single, she might, justifiably enough, form
matrimonial expectations for herself.”
“Not if she knew you,” said Hilary.
“Ah, but she doesn’t know me—and shan’t,” said Ferdinand
Augustus. “I will take care of that.” VI
And then, for what seemed to him an eternity, he never once encountered
her. Morning and afternoon, day after day, he roamed the park of
Bellefontaine from end to end, in all directions, but never once caught
sight of so much as the flutter of her garments. And the result was
that he began to grow seriously sentimental. “Im wunderschônen Monat
Mai!” It was June, to be sure; but the meteorological influences were,
for that, only the more potent. He remembered her shining eyes now as
not merely whimsical and ardent, but as pensive, appealing, tender; he
remembered her face as a face seen in starlight, ethereal and mystic;
and her voice as low music far away. He recalled their last meeting as a
treasure he had possessed and lost; he blamed himself for the frivolity
of his talk and manner, and for the ineffectual impression of him this
must have left upon her. Perpetually thinking of her, he was perpetually
sighing, perpetually suffering strange, sudden, half painful, half
delicious commotions in the tissues of his heart. Every morning he rose
with a replenished fund of hope: this day at last would produce her.
Every night he went to bed pitying himself as bankrupt of hope. And
all the while, though he pined to talk of her, a curious bashfulness
withheld him; so that, between him and Hilary, for quite a fortnight she
was not mentioned. It was Hilary who broke the silence.
“Why so pale and wan?” Hilary asked him. “Will, when looking well
won’t move her, looking ill prevail?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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