American fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, American
“What on earth do you mean?” I asked.
“I am going to die,” she said.
“You’re mad, you’re morbid,” I cried. “You mustn’t say such
things. You’re not ill? What on earth do you mean?”
“I am going to die. I know it. I feel it. I am not ill? I don’t
know. I think I am ill. I feel as if I were going to be ill. I am going
to die—I know I am going to die.”
I did what I could to dissipate such black presentiments. I refused to
talk of them. I did what I could to lend a little gaiety to her life.
But Israela grew whiter and more delicate-looking day by day. I was her
only visitor. I had asked if I might not bring a friend or two to see
her, but she had answered, “I’m afraid he would not like it. People
coming and going would disturb him. He can’t bear any noise,” So I
was her only visitor—till, by-and-by, another became necessary.
I wonder whether Mr. Ambrose ever really knew that Israela was lying in
her bed at the point of death, and that the man who called twice every
day to see her was a doctor? True, in an absent-minded fashion, he
used to inquire how she was, he used even occasionally to enter the
sick-room, and look at her, and lay his hand on her brow, as if to take
her temperature; but I wonder whether he ever actually realised her
condition? He was terribly preoccupied just then with Volume VIII, At
all events, on a certain melancholy morning in April, he allowed me to
conduct him to a carriage and to help him in; and together we drove to
Kensal Green. He was silent during the drive—thinking hard, I fancied,
about some matter very foreign to our errand.... And as soon as
the parson there had rattled through his office and concluded it,
Israela’s step-father pulled out his watch, and said to me, “Ah, I
must hurry off, I must hurry off. I’ve got a long day’s work before
me still.”
That was something like ten years ago—the last time I had seen
him.... Until now, to-night, on this sultry night of August, ten years
afterwards, here he had suddenly reappeared to me, holding the bank
at baccarat, at the Grand Cercle of the Casino: Augustus Ambrose, the
Friend of Man, the dreamer, the visionary, holding the bank at baccarat,
at the Grand Cercle of the Casino!
I looked at him, in simple astonishment at first, and then gradually
I shaped a theory. “He has probably come pretty nearly to the end
of Israela’s fortune; it would be like him to spend interest and
principal as well. And now he finds himself in need of money. And he is
just unpractical enough to fancy that he can supply his needs by play.
Or—or is it possible he has a system? Perhaps he imagines he has
a system.” And then I thought how old he had grown, how terribly,
terribly he had decayed.
I looked at him. He was dealing. He dealt to the right, to the left, and
to himself. But when he glanced at his own two cards, he made a little
face. The next instant he had dropped them under the table, and helped
himself to two fresh ones....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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