MRS. T. (_to CHIRPER_). The flattering terms in which Dr. Jogtrot has spoken of you more than suffice to insure you a hearty welcome! CHIRP. (_bowing_). I trust, madam, I may merit the favorable opinion of my distinguished friend! Permit me to say, I am not one of those giddy, thoughtless butterflies who consume their mental and moral faculties in mundane futilities. JACK (_after a long stare at CHIRPER--then aside_). He's not a man, he's a tract. (_Aside to JESSIE, as he goes towards table._) Lively boy, isn't he, Jessie? (_Sits and turns over leaves of an album._) CHIRP. My mode of life is simplicity itself. I rise at seven-- JACK. Oh, confound it!--hang it!--dash it! (_turning over leaves rapidly_). CHIRP. Breakfast at eight--a slice of bread, a cup of milk; that constitutes my heartiest meal. I then walk for an hour in the square; dine at six. JACK (_who has come down again_). Another cup of milk? You ought to keep a cow, Chirper, in the square. CHIRP. I then plunge into my favorite studies, till I retire to my pillow. Such is my life, madam. JACK. And a very jolly one, too, I should say, Chirper. CHIRP. Ladies, I must now request permission to retire. I am due at the Philotechnic Institution. MRS. T. (_to CHIRPER_). You'll return to luncheon, I hope? JACK. Of course he will. (_To CHIRPER._) Of course you will (_thrusting CHIRPER'S hat and umbrella into his hands_). I'll see there's an extra ha'porth of milk taken in for you (_putting CHIRPER'S hat on his head_). [_CHIRPER and JOGTROT bow to JESSIE and exeunt at C., MRS. TARLETAN going up stage with them._ MRS. T. (_coming down_). A very, very agreeable young man indeed. JESSIE (_satirically_). Yes; so remarkably sprightly. JACK. With about as much humor in him as a damp umbrella. MRS. T. (_a little nettled_). I repeat, Mr. Chirper is a very agreeable person. I would put it to anybody--to the very first comer. JACK. Would you? That's a bargain (_seeing BLUNT, who appears at C._). There's my man, Stephen Blunt--he'll do; you said the first comer. Here, Blunt (_BLUNT advances_), tell me what's your opinion of the gentleman who has just gone? BLUNT (_aside to JACK, knowingly_). All right, captain, I haven't forgot. (_Aloud._) Well, sir, I think he's charming, delightful, first-chop. JACK (_quickly_). No, no! I mean the other--the young one. BLUNT. Well, sir, I think he's first-chop, too. JACK. Ugh! triple dolt, brute, idiot. (_BLUNT about to speak._) Silence! get out! Stop, come and dress me! Ugh! pudding-head (_shakes his fist at BLUNT and hurries out L. H., followed by BLUNT_). MRS. T. Why, what's the matter with the boy? such a temper all of a sudden. JESSIE (_pouting_). No wonder; he sees well enough that you're tired of me--that you want to get rid of me--that you--oh! oh! oh! [_Runs out crying at R._ MRS. T. (_astonished_). There's some mystery here I must clear up. Jessie! Jessie! [_Hastens out after JESSIE at R._