Authors -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Philosophy -- Fiction
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—Sir, I say every nation has some eximious
virtue; and your country is pre-eminent in the glory of fish for
breakfast. We have much to learn from you in that line at any rate.
_Mr. Mac Quedy_.—And in many others, sir, I believe. Morals and
metaphysics, politics and political economy, the way to make the most of
all the modifications of smoke; steam, gas, and paper currency; you have
all these to learn from us; in short, all the arts and sciences. We are
the modern Athenians.
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—I, for one, sir, am content to learn nothing
from you but the art and science of fish for breakfast. Be content, sir,
to rival the Boeotians, whose redeeming virtue was in fish, touching
which point you may consult Aristophanes and his scholiast in the passage
of Lysistrata, ἀλλ’ ἄφελε τὰς ἐγχέλεις, and leave the name of Athenians
to those who have a sense of the beautiful, and a perception of metrical
quantity.
_Mr. Mac Quedy_.—Then, sir, I presume you set no value on the right
principles of rent, profit, wages, and currency?
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—My principles, sir, in these things are, to take
as much as I can get, and pay no more than I can help. These are every
man’s principles, whether they be the right principles or no. There,
sir, is political economy in a nutshell.
_Mr. Mac Quedy_.—The principles, sir, which regulate production and
consumption are independent of the will of any individual as to giving or
taking, and do not lie in a nutshell by any means.
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—Sir, I will thank you for a leg of that capon.
_Lord Bossnowl_.—But, sir, by-the-bye, how came your footman to be going
into your cook’s room? It was very providential to be sure, but—
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—Sir, as good came of it, I shut my eyes, and ask
no questions. I suppose he was going to study hydrostatics, and he found
himself under the necessity of practising hydraulics.
_Mr. Firedamp_.—Sir, you seem to make very light of science.
_The Rev. Dr. Folliott_.—Yes, sir, such science as the learned friend
deals in: everything for everybody, science for all, schools for all,
rhetoric for all, law for all, physic for all, words for all, and sense
for none. I say, sir, law for lawyers, and cookery for cooks: and I wish
the learned friend, for all his life, a cook that will pass her time in
studying his works; then every dinner he sits down to at home, he will
sit on the stool of repentance.
_Lord Bossnowl_.—Now really that would be too severe: my cook should read
nothing but Ude.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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