United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Women college students -- Fiction
Then weirdly, unaccountably, across the even rhapsody of her meditation
came a voice from the chapels of memory; a voice full, perfectly poised,
with each word as flawless as if it had been engraved on a cameo.
“Love comes down to a hearth-fire, after marriage; and we who sing are
not content with hearth-fires. Remember that always, little one; _we who
sing are not content with hearth-fires_.”
Only that second of recollection before Jim’s eyes met hers, and Joy
chose her fate. She urged her eyes away from him, with a sick little
shiver; and keeping them fixed on some distant point, she said in a
voice so slight it almost slipped away before it struck the hearing:
“Jim—please—don’t!”
“I—won’t,” he said, in a voice that did not alter. “I—I knew it
was—hopeless, Joy, before I spoke; and I shall not bother you about it
again; but I wanted you to know, while I was able to see you—you have
not let me see you for so long.”
“Jim—I’m so sorry——” she cried, against the destruction that was
descending upon her soul so lately filled with peace.
“Sorry! Sorry is—an awful little word. I didn’t want to make
you—sorry. I just wanted you to know—I would have been a conceited ass
indeed if I had thought you could—care for me.”
“It’s not that.”
The words were clipped out in an even, glassy tone, as hard as a
window-pane and as easy to break or see through. But the shutters were
down behind, for the one who most wanted to see. . . .
Jim did not bring the subject up again until they were at the door of
the apartment.
“Please don’t let anything I’ve said worry you, Joy. And—we still are
friends—aren’t we?”
“Oh, yes, Jim!” she cried, and then fell silent, ashamed.
“This world would indeed be an empty place for me—if anything should
happen to that friendship.”
He took her hand, and she knew in a bitter little rush how much she
wanted to have his arms around her—to feel again encompassing her the
peace that she had destroyed. Pale as the novice who goes to her vows,
she took her hand away and left him.
She sat at the piano, striving to drown the turbulence within her by a
glory of sound. With shaking, silver lips, she tried to form the words
of the Jewel Song—she should be able really to sing it now—for to-day
had come her first trill! “All passes; Art alone endures.” She was so
wise not to have allowed the sentiment of the moment to overpower her.
It was just such moments that were responsible for the “mute, inglorious
Pattis” of the world.
The trill came, neat and exquisite. Then haltingly—
“Je ris—de me voir—
Si belle—”
Her voice limped into silence. . . .
She left the piano. This loneliness was getting on her nerves. She would
see Félicie to-morrow. Yes, to-morrow was coming—and she could not wait
to have Pa hear that trill!
On hearing Joy’s proposition, Félicie consulted her great-aunt, but
neither of them wished to leave their eminently satisfactory lodgings in
Brighton.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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