Dandy Dick: A Play in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
Dandy Dick: A Play in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
English drama -- 19th century
[_Handing SHEBA the bill._] Take this horrid thing--never let it meet
my eyes again. As for the scandalous costumes, they shall be raffled
for in aid of local charities. Confidence, that precious pearl in the
snug shell of domesticity, is at an end between us. I chastise you
both by permanently withholding from you the reason of my absence from
home last night. Go!
[_The girls totter out as SIR TRISTRAM enters quickly at the window,
followed by GEORGIANA, carrying the basin containing the bolus. SIR
TRISTRAM has an opened letter in his hand._
SIR TRISTRAM.
Good heavens, Jedd! the analysis has arrived!
THE DEAN.
I am absolutely indifferent!
GEORGIANA _and_ SIR TRISTRAM.
Indifferent!
THE DEAN.
[_To GEORGIANA._] How dare you confront me without even the semblance
of a blush--you who have enabled my innocent babies, for the first
time in their lives, to discharge one of their own accounts.
GEORGIANA.
There isn't a blush in our family--if there were, you'd want it.
[_SHEBA and SALOME appear outside the window, looking in._
SIR TRISTRAM.
Jedd, you were once my friend, and you are to be my relative.
THE DEAN.
[_Looking at GEORGIANA._] My sister! [_To SIR TRISTRAM._] I offer no
opposition.
SIR TRISTRAM.
But not even our approaching family tie prevents my designating you as
one of the most atrocious conspirators known in the history of the
Turf.
THE DEAN.
Conspirator!
SIR TRISTRAM.
As the owner of one-half of Dandy Dick, I denounce you!
GEORGIANA.
As the owner of the other half, _I_ denounce you!
THE DEAN.
You!
_SHEBA and SALOME enter, and remain standing in the recess,
listening._
SIR TRISTRAM.
The chief ingredient of your infernal preparation is known.
THE DEAN.
It contains nothing that I would not cheerfully administer to my own
children.
GEORGIANA.
[_In horror._] Oh!
SIR TRISTRAM.
I believe you. [_Pointing to the paper._] Strychnine! Sixteen grains!
SALOME _and_ SHEBA.
[_Clinging to each other terrified._] Oh!
THE DEAN.
Strychnine! Summon my devoted servant Blore, in whose presence the
innocuous mixture was compounded. [_GEORGIANA rings the bell. The
girls hide behind the window curtains._] This analysis is simply the
pardonable result of over-enthusiasm on the part of our local chemist.
GEORGIANA.
You're a disgrace to the pretty little police station where you slept
last night!
[_BLORE enters and stands unnoticed._
THE DEAN.
I will prove that in the Deanery Stables the common laws of
hospitality have never been transgressed. Give me the bowl!
[_GEORGIANA hands THE DEAN the basin from the table._] A simple remedy
for a chill.
GEORGIANA _and_ SIR TRISTRAM.
Strychnine--sixteen grains!
THE DEAN.
I, myself, am suffering from the exposure of last night. [_Taking the
remaining bolus and opening his mouth._] Observe me!
BLORE.
[_Rushing forward, snatching the basin from THE DEAN and sinking on to
his knees._] No, no! Don't, don't! You wouldn't 'ang the holdest
servant in the Deanery.
THE DEAN.
Blore!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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