Dandy Dick: A Play in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
Dandy Dick: A Play in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
English drama -- 19th century
BLORE.
I did it! I 'ad a honest fancy for Bonny Betsy, and I wanted this
gentleman's 'orse out of the way. And while you was mixing the dose
with the best ecclesiastical intentions, I hintroduced a foreign
element.
THE DEAN.
[_Pulling BLORE up by his coat collar._] Viper!
BLORE.
Oh sir, it was hall for the sake of the Dean.
SIR TRISTRAM.
The Dean?
BLORE.
The dear Dean had only Fifty Pounds to spare for sporting purposes,
and I thought a gentleman of 'is 'igh standing ought to have a
certainty.
SIR TRISTRAM.
Jedd!
GEORGIANA.
Augustin!
THE DEAN.
I can conceal it no longer--I--I instructed this unworthy creature to
back Dandy Dick on behalf of the Restoration Fund.
SIR TRISTRAM.
[_Shaking BLORE._] And didn't you do it?
BLORE.
No.
THE DEAN.
Why not? In the name of that tottering Spire, why not?
BLORE.
Oh, sir, thinking as you'd given some of the mixture to Dandy I put
your cheerful little offering on to Bonny Betsy.
[_SALOME and SHEBA disappear._
THE DEAN.
Oh! [_To BLORE._] I could have pardoned everything but this last act
of disobedience. You are unworthy of the Deanery. Leave it for some
ordinary household.
BLORE.
If I leave the Deanery, I shall give my reasons, and then what'll
folks think of you and me in our old age?
THE DEAN.
You wouldn't spread this tale in St. Marvells?
BLORE.
Not if sober, sir--but suppose grief drove me to my cups?
THE DEAN.
I must save you from intemperance at any cost. Remain in my service--a
sad, sober and, above all, a silent man!
[_SALOME and SHEBA appear as BLORE goes out through the window._
SALOME.
Papa!
THE DEAN.
To your rooms! I am distracted!
SALOME.
Major Tarver and Mr. Darbey!----
THE DEAN.
If you have sufficiently merged all sense of moral rectitude as to
declare that I am not at home, do so.
SHEBA.
No, no. Papa; we have accidentally discovered that you, our parent,
have stooped to deception, if not to crime.
THE DEAN.
[_Staggering back._] Oh!
SHEBA.
We are still young--the sooner, therefore, we are removed from any
unfortunate influence the better.
SALOME.
We have an opportunity of beginning life afresh.
SHEBA.
These two gallant gentlemen have proposed for us.
THE DEAN.
Then I _am_ at home. Where are they?
[_He goes out rapidly, followed by SALOME and SHEBA. Directly they
have disappeared, NOAH TOPPING, looking dishevelled, rushes in at the
window, with HANNAH clinging to him._
NOAH.
[_Glaring round the room._] Is this 'ere the Deanery?
[_GEORGIANA and SIR TRISTRAM come to him._
HANNAH.
Noahry, Noah, come back!
NOAH.
Theer's been a man rescued from my lawful custody while my face was
unofficially held downwards in the mud. The villain has been traced
back to the Deanery.
SIR TRISTRAM.
Go away!
HANNAH.
Come away!
NOAH.
The man was a unknown lover of my nooly made wife!
GEORGIANA.
You mustn't bring your domestic affairs here; this is a subject for
your own fireside of an evening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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