English fiction -- 20th century; English wit and humor; Imaginary letters; Letters in literature
The English sailors are like ours, but they have little to eat or
drink. The laws are strict here, and if a man who has taken drink walks
about in the streets he is put in prison. If that happened in Russia we
should mutiny. Moreover, it is forbidden to smoke almost everywhere.
This is strange, as the English smoke a great deal; but they are an
obedient people, and clean. They respect their laws.
On shore it is merry. There are many clowns and acrobats dancing and
singing, just as though it were a fair. But the English do not know
how to sing, and they do not dance at all. Although there is much
merrymaking I have not seen one drunken man, so much afraid are they
of being put in prison.
The English have a Duma, but an Englishman who speaks Russian told us
that it was just like ours, and that they did nothing but talk there.
He also told us that the English women had mutinied because so many of
them had been put in prison for beating the police, and that they were
being starved in the prisons until they should submit. This seems to
us cruel, but the English are often not kind to women and animals, and
they say the women interfere in what is not their business, just as
they do at home.
The English have no army, only mercenaries who are paid money. Some of
them are niggers. I asked the man who talked Russian why it was that
if men were paid so much to be soldiers every one was not a soldier.
He said that soldiers were sent away to foreign climates, and that men
did not respect soldiers in England. It is also like that in China. The
sailors are much respected and much loved, and they are all Englishmen,
and white men, and not mercenaries. They are merry people, too.
The English naval officers are clean shaven, which makes them look very
funny, but they are good officers and know their business. The police
are dressed in long great-coats and carry no weapons, because the
English people are docile and submissive; and they have few hooligans
here, although they say that in London there are many hooligans, but
these are hanged.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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