England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
May 22.—After comparing notes with neighbours, feel deeply grateful to
Q.M.S. Beddem for sending me the best six men in the corps.
July 15.—Feel glad to have been associated, however remotely and
humbly, with a corps, the names of whose members appear on the Roll of
Honour of every British regiment.
THE CONVERT
Mr. Purnip took the arm of the new recruit and hung over him almost
tenderly as they walked along; Mr. Billing, with a look of conscious
virtue on his jolly face, listened with much satisfaction to his
friend’s compliments.
“It’s such an example,” said the latter. “Now we’ve got you the others
will follow like sheep. You will be a bright lamp in the darkness.”
“Wot’s good enough for me ought to be good enough for them,” said Mr.
Billing, modestly. “They’d better not let me catch—”
“H’sh! H’sh!” breathed Mr. Purnip, tilting his hat and wiping his bald,
benevolent head.
“I forgot,” said the other, with something like a sigh. “No more
fighting; but suppose somebody hits me?”
“Turn the other cheek,” replied Mr. Purnip. “They won’t hit that; and
when they see you standing there smiling at them—”
“After being hit?” interrupted Mr. Billing.
“After being hit,” assented the other, “they’ll be ashamed of
themselves, and it’ll hurt them more than if you struck them.”
“Let’s ’ope so,” said the convert; “but it don’t sound reasonable. I
can hit a man pretty ’ard. Not that I’m bad-tempered, mind you; a bit
quick, p’r’aps. And, after all, a good smack in the jaw saves any
amount of argufying.”
Mr. Purnip smiled, and, as they walked along, painted a glowing picture
of the influence to be wielded by a first-class fighting-man who
refused to fight. It was a rough neighbourhood, and he recognized with
sorrow that more respect was paid to a heavy fist than to a noble
intellect or a loving heart.
“And you combine them all,” he said, patting his companion’s arm.
Mr. Billing smiled. “You ought to know best,” he said, modestly.
“You’ll be surprised to find how easy it is,” continued Mr. Purnip.
“You will go from strength to strength. Old habits will disappear, and
you will hardly know you have lost them. In a few months’ time you will
probably be wondering what you could ever have seen in beer, for
example.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want me to give up beer?” said the
other.
“We don’t,” said Mr. Purnip. “I mean that as you grow in stature you
will simply lose the taste for it.”
Mr. Billing came to a sudden full stop. “D’ye mean I shall lose my
liking for a drop o’ beer without being able to help myself?” he
demanded, in an anxious voice.
Mr. Purnip coughed.
“Of course, it doesn’t happen in every case,” he said, hastily.
Mr. Billing’s features relaxed. “Well, let’s ’ope I shall be one of the
fortunate ones,” he said, simply. “I can put up with a good deal, but
when it comes to beer——”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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