When he arrived before the house of Meleager, he did not know whether it
was already noon, and did not happen to question his watch about it, but
remained before the door, standing looking down with indecision for some
time at the “Ave” in the entrance. A fear prevented him from stepping
in, and strangely, he was equally afraid of not meeting Gradiva within,
and of finding her there; for, during the last few moments, he had felt
quite sure that, in the first case, she would be staying somewhere else
with some younger man, and, in the second case, the latter would be in
company with her on the steps between the pillars. Toward the man,
however, he felt a hate far stronger than against all the assembled
common house-flies; until to-day he had not considered it possible that
he could be capable of such violent inner excitement. The duel, which he
had always considered stupid nonsense, suddenly appeared to him in a
different light; here it became a natural right which the man injured in
his own rights, or mortally insulted, made use of as the only available
means to secure satisfaction or to part with an existence which had
become purposeless. So he suddenly stepped forward to enter; he would
challenge the bold man and would—this rushed upon him almost more
powerfully—express unreservedly to her that he had considered her
something better, more noble, and incapable of such vulgarity.
He was so filled to the brim with this rebellious idea that he uttered
it, even though there was not apparently the least occasion for it, for,
when he had covered the distance to the dining-room with stormy haste,
he demanded violently, “Are you alone?” although appearances allowed of
no doubt that Gradiva was sitting there on the steps, just as much alone
as on the two previous days.
She looked at him amazed and replied, “Who should still be here after
noon? Then the people are all hungry and sit down to meals. Nature has
arranged that very happily for me.”
His surging excitement could not, however, be allayed so quickly, and
without his knowledge or desire, he let slip, with the conviction of
certainty, the conjecture which had come over him outside; for he added,
to be sure somewhat foolishly, that he could really not think otherwise.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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