Her lover had sent back her letters, then, with those few harsh lines
telling her she was wise in her generation. Even the last he had
returned. And they had reached her on the morning of the day her child
was born. Had it been a sunny day, with no fire on the hearth before
which Lindo and Fritz now lay stretched, into which she could have
dropped that packet? Had she not had time even to burn them? She had
glanced at them, evidently. Had she been interrupted, and had she thrust
them for the moment with her work into that drawer?
Futile inquiry. He should never know. And she had had her wish. She had
been allowed to die, to hide herself away in the grave. John's heart
swelled with sorrowing pity as at the sight of a child's suffering. She
had been very little more. She should have her other wish, too.
He gathered up the letters, and, stepping over the dogs, dropped them
into the heart of the fire. They were in the safe keeping of the flames
at last. They reached their destination at last, but, a little
late--twenty-eight years too late.
And suddenly, as he watched them burn, like a thunderbolt falling and
tearing up the ground on which he stood, came the thought, "Then I am
illegitimate."
* * * * *
The minute-hand of the clock on the mantelpiece had made a complete
circuit since John had dropped the letters into the fire, yet he had not
stirred from the armchair into which he had staggered the moment
afterwards.
His fixed eyes looked straight in front of him. His lips moved at
intervals.
"I am illegitimate," he said to himself, over and over again.
But no, it was a nightmare, an hallucination of illness. How many
delusions he had had during the last few weeks! He should wake up
presently and find he had been torturing himself for nothing. If only
Mitty would come back! He should laugh at himself presently.
In the mean while, and as it were in spite of himself, certain facts
were taking a new significance, were arranging themselves into an
unexpected, horrible sequence. Link joined itself to link, and
lengthened to a chain.
He remembered his father's evident dislike of him; he remembered how
Colonel Tempest had contested the succession when he died. As he had
lost the case, John had supposed, when he came to an age to suppose
anything, that the slander was without foundation, especially as Mr.
Tempest had recognized him as his son. He had known of its existence, of
course, but, like the rest of the world, had half forgotten it. That
Lord Frederick Fane (evidently the Freddie of the letters) was even his
supposed father, had never crossed his mind. If he was like the Fanes,
why should he not be so? He might as naturally resemble his mother's as
his father's family. He recalled Colonel Tempest's inveterate dislike of
him, Archie's thankless reception of anything and everything he did for
him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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