Alas! there were many, many more from "poor Marion" after the very last;
little vacillating, feeble, gilt-edged notes, with every other word
under-dashed; some short and hurried, some long and reproachful; sad
landmarks of each step of a blindfold wandering on the brink of the
abyss, clinging to the hand that was pushing her over.
The last letter was a very long one.
"You have no heart," wrote the pointed, slanting handwriting. "You do
not care what I suffer. I do not believe now you ever cared. You say it
would be an act of folly to tell my husband, but you know I was always
silly. But it is not necessary. I am sure he knows. I feel it. He says
nothing, but I know he knows. Oh, if I were only dead and in my grave,
and if only the baby might die too, as I hope it will, as I pray to God
it will! If I die and it lives, I don't know what will happen to it.
Remember, if he casts it off, it is your child. Oh, Freddie, surely it
can't be all quite a mistake. You were fond of me once, before you made
me wicked, and when I am dead you won't feel so angry and impatient with
me as you do now. And if the child lives and has no friend, you will
remember it is yours, won't you? I am so miserable that I think God will
surely let me die. And the child may come any day now. Last night I felt
so ill that I dared not put off any longer, and this morning I burned
all your letters to me, every one, even the first about the white
violets. Do you remember that letter? It is so long ago now; no, you
have forgotten. It is only I who remember, because it was only I who
cared. And I burned the locket you gave me with your hair in it. It felt
like dying to burn it. Everything is all quite gone. But I can't rest
until you have sent me back my letters. I can't trust you to burn them.
I know what trusting to you means. Send them all back to me, and I will
burn them myself. Only be quick, be quick; there is so little time. If
they come when I am ill, some one else may read them. I hope if I live I
shall never see your face again; and if I die, I hope God will keep you
away from me. Oh! I don't mean it, Freddie, I don't mean it; only I am
so miserable that I don't know what I write. God forgive you. I would
too if I thought you cared whether I did or not. God forgive us
both.--M."
* * * * *
John looked back at the cover of the packet. The Overleigh postmark was
blurred but legible. June the 8th, and the year----. _It was his
birthday._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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