Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 2 of 3)Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
General
Dilemmas of Pride, (Vol 2 of 3)
Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
Fiction
He had always entertained towards Alfred an affection much stronger
than, from the strangeness of his temper, was known to any one but
himself, or perhaps even to himself. His thoughts were now absorbed and
saddened by the remembrance that Alfred was not happy. He felt a
fastidious repugnance to draw happiness himself from the same source
which had caused, and was still causing his brother pain; and rather
than run the risk of aggravating that pain, he doubted whether it would
not be better to relinquish at once an acquaintance of only a few days.
He almost wished he had gone to town with Alfred; yet town had
unpleasant associations for him just then.
For a time, guided by feelings such as we have described, he almost
avoided Caroline; yet a fatality seemed to hang upon him. Though he told
himself again and again that she was but the acquaintance of an hour, it
seemed as if the matured attachment of Alfred had, by some mysterious
tie, by some identity of sympathies existing in nature between the twin
brothers, flung its spell, from the first interview, over the heart of
Willoughby, as though those more than brothers scarcely enjoyed a
divided being, but that the wishes and affections of both were still
united by hidden links, which irresistibly propelled them to one object.
The very efforts which Willoughby made not to attach himself to our
heroine seemed to invest his feelings with a seriousness, a pathetic
tenderness, so strangely mingled with his pity for Alfred, that while he
sometimes sat apart, yet unable to withdraw his gaze from the mild and
lovely features of Caroline, his sensations approximated to torture.
Her beauty appeared to him, the more he gazed upon it, Nature's only
perfect work. That any one could admire any other style, any other
lovely being, seemed to him a thing impossible. His former fancied
attachment he now saw to have been indeed but a dream of vanity, and
that it had touched any other feeling.
He could not, however, maintain the struggle long; he soon began to seek
for arguments favourable to his wishes. Alfred's love, he told himself,
could not bear comparison with his in fervour, or he would have
persevered longer--he would have renewed his offer again and again. The
attachment was not mutual, Caroline having herself rejected him. Such an
attachment then would, in all probability, soon be forgotten; then why,
if he could, make himself acceptable, might he not be happy? In a little
time he arrived at the certainty that Alfred would himself be generous
enough to rejoice in his happiness.
Lady Palliser's encouragement was decided. Caroline's indeed was but
passive. Geoffery, however, himself believing his cousin's attachment to
be a hopeless one, pretended to point out many marks of a hidden
preference, which he said could not be mistaken, averring that a cool
looker-on was better able to judge than a party interested.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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