British -- Germany -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction
memory had cast about her old life became dull and faded. She saw now
an ugly red-brick building, with dreary, silent rooms, and people with
whom she had never been in sympathy save in her imagination. This last
was the bitterest disappointment of all. In her anger against Wolff she
had expected and believed so much of these "home people," and they had,
after all, failed her.
As she sat alone in the sad, empty room, she felt that those five days
in England had taken from her not only the dearest hope but the last
illusion. Her mother had said, "You do not belong here," and it was
true. She was an exile in this narrow little world, and between her
father and herself there was an insurmountable barrier of taste and
thought. It had always been there, just as, like her mother, she had
always been an exile, but in her girlhood’s days it had been less
pronounced, less clearly defined. Now that she had had experience in
another world, she could no longer bear the trammels of her father’s
conventional prejudices. She had hated and despised her mode of life at
Wolff’s side; she began to see, though dimly, that it had had at least
its great moments, that it was at least inspired by a great idea worthy
of the sacrifices it demanded. Here there was no sacrifice and no
idea—only vegetation, and her companion was not even a useful machine.
He was a weak muddler, and his world was a little village which muddled
along in a muddle-loving country and believed great things of itself and
its institutions. Just as Nora had found the squire ridiculous with his
two-week soldiers, so her father irritated her with his mingled piety,
pusillanimity, and timid self-satisfaction. Not even their common grief
had brought them together. They had stood wordless by their dead, and
when the Rev. John had seemed about to speak, she had fled from him,
dreading that his words might destroy the impression which the serene
sleeper had made upon her mind. Since then they had hardly spoken, and
Miles had wandered between them like a sullen, dissatisfied ghost.
Somehow, he felt that his influence over Nora was at an end, that from
the moment her feet had touched her native soil she had turned from him
and his explanations with something like repugnance. He did not trouble
to seek the reason—indeed, she could have given him none; but the shadow
between them threw Nora back into even deeper loneliness.
And the wonder which had come into her life—the miracle which had been
revealed to her in her mother’s eyes? She only knew that its revelation
had come too late. Though all that was best and noblest in her stirred
as if beneath some divine touch, she felt none of the exultation, none
of the sanctified happiness which might have been hers. The gift which
was to come to her was like a golden link in a broken chain, like a
jewel without setting—beautiful but imperfect. She was indeed an exile
and bore the exile’s curse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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