France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Why, great God! would not the tree answer him, and tell him what
ancestor he resembled, in order that he might inscribe his case on his
own leaf, beside the others? If he was to become mad, why did not the
tree tell him so clearly, which would have calmed him, for he believed
that his suffering came only from his uncertainty? Tears clouded his
vision, yet still he looked, he exhausted himself in this longing to
know, in which his reason must finally give way.
Clotilde hastily concealed herself as she saw him walk over to the
press, which he opened wide. He seized the envelopes, threw them on the
table, and searched among them feverishly. It was the scene of the
terrible night of the storm that was beginning over again, the gallop
of nightmares, the procession of phantoms, rising at his call from this
heap of old papers. As they passed by, he addressed to each of them a
question, an ardent prayer, demanding the origin of his malady, hoping
for a word, a whisper which should set his doubts at rest. First, it
was only an indistinct murmur, then came words and fragments of
phrases.
“Is it you—is it you—is it you—oh, old mother, the mother of us all—who
are to give me your madness? Is it you, inebriate uncle, old scoundrel
of an uncle, whose drunkenness I am to pay for? Is it you, ataxic
nephew, or you, mystic nephew, or yet you, idiot niece, who are to
reveal to me the truth, showing me one of the forms of the lesion from
which I suffer? Or is it rather you, second cousin, who hanged
yourself; or you, second cousin, who committed murder; or you, second
cousin, who died of rottenness, whose tragic ends announce to me
mine—death in a cell, the horrible decomposition of being?”
And the gallop continued, they rose and passed by with the speed of the
wind. The papers became animate, incarnate, they jostled one another,
they trampled on one another, in a wild rush of suffering humanity.
“Ah, who will tell me, who will tell me, who will tell me?—Is it he who
died mad? he who was carried off by phthisis? he who was killed by
paralysis? she whose constitutional feebleness caused her to die in
early youth?—Whose is the poison of which I am to die? What is it,
hysteria, alcoholism, tuberculosis, scrofula? And what is it going to
make of me, an ataxic or a madman? A madman. Who was it said a madman?
They all say it—a madman, a madman, a madman!”
Sobs choked Pascal. He let his dejected head fall among the papers, he
wept endlessly, shaken by shuddering sobs. And Clotilde, seized by a
sort of awe, feeling the presence of the fate which rules over races,
left the room softly, holding her breath; for she knew that it would
mortify him exceedingly if he knew that she had been present.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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