Drawing Rooms, Second Floor, and Attics: A Farce, in One ActMorton, John Maddison
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Drawing Rooms, Second Floor, and Attics: A Farce, in One Act
Morton, John Maddison
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
PHOEBE. Yes, sir, I forgot--I-- (_aside_) I don't know what I'm about!
(_enters at door, L._)
BUNNY. (_turning and seeing JONATHAN_) What's that? (_using his eye
glass and looking JONATHAN from head to foot_) Jonathan, step this
way, if you please, sir. (_JONATHAN advances, carrying the loaded
tray--turns JONATHAN'S shirt collars down_) Now go into the ball room,
and present the tray to each lady, at the end of the polka.
JONATH. Present the tray at the end of a poker.
BUNNY. Polka! In this way. (_taking the tray, and presenting it in a
graceful attitude_)
JONATH. Well, I don't mind if I do. (_taking a glass of negus, and
drinking it off_)
BUNNY. What the devil are you at? Now go along; (_giving JONATHAN the
tray_) and mind what you're about, or else I shall be under the
painful necessity of discharging you from my establishment.
_Exit JONATHAN, C. towards R._
_At the same moment, COCKLETOP enters at C. from L. carrying his hat
and black paletot over his arm--he is in evening costume, but very red
in the face, and looks slightly tipsy, he has a red worsted comforter
hanging loose round his neck, which he takes off as he enters, and
throws over his paletot._
BUNNY. (_L., seeing him_) Ah, Cockletop! better late than never! Well,
where's "our dear nephew?" our young Adonis from Cambridge, eh?
COCKLE. (_R., very loud_) Hush! (_then swaying about, and smiling
stupidly at BUNNY_)
BUNNY. Why, what's the matter?
COCKLE. Hush! (_same play repeated_)
BUNNY. I ask you again, where is "our dear----?"
COCKLE. Hush! (_same play repeated, then making two or three attempts
to seize BUNNY'S hand, and missing it_)
BUNNY. (_aside_) He's been at the negus.
COCKLE. I love you, Bunny--dearly, Bunny! do I love you, Bunny?
(_looking pathetic, then smiling stupidly as before, and making
another failure in seizing BUNNY'S hand_)
BUNNY. Once for all, Cockletop, if you don't instantly explain, I'll
have you put to bed! Where is your nephew, Mr. Triptolemus Brown?
COCKLE. (_smiling stupidly_) I don't know.
BUNNY. Haven't you seen him?
COCKLE. Distinctly, about an hour ago, running up Compton Street like
a madman towards his lodging. I ran after him, shouting all the
time--followed him into the house, then up three flights of
stairs--found the door slammed in my face--burst it open--rushed into
the room--empty!--nothing in it!
BUNNY. Pshaw! it must have been somebody else you saw.
COCKLE. I came to that conclusion myself; so I determined to wait;
ordered a fire, and a bottle of Sherry; fell asleep--woke
again--ordered another----
BUNNY. Another fire?
COCKLE. Another bottle of Sherry.
BUNNY. No wonder you're so red in the face. Well?
COCKLE. At last, I remembered telling him to buy himself a pair of
white kid gloves--so off I set to all the hosier's shops in the
neighbourhood, bought a pair of gloves at each--sixteen of them; here
they are; (_tapping the pocket of his paletot_) but all in vain!
(_turns up to C. door--polka heard off at back_)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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