THE MAN WHO COULD DO IT HIMSELF 103 "WOULD YOU NOT PREFER TO HAVE THEM SENT?" 104 THE BARGAIN 105 THE PRACTITIONER'S OVERSIGHT 106 CHECK 107 For permission to reproduce the great majority of the Drawings included in this Volume, the Artist is indebted to the courtesy of the Proprietors of _Punch_. He has also to acknowledge similar kindnesses from the Editors of _London Opinion_, _The Sketch_, _The Tatler_, _The Bystander_, and _The Evening News_. [Illustration: "MAMMA!" "YES, MY CHILD." "WILFRED HAS CRASHED IN A SHELL-HOLE."] [Illustration: THE SONG OF THE SHIRT] [Illustration: _Host (a Mighty Hunter, breaking off in the middle of his longest story):_ "BUT I SEEM TO BE BORING YOU?" _Guest:_ "OH, NO. FACT IS--ALL THESE ANIMALS YAWNING--SO BEASTLY INFECTIOUS."] [Illustration: "MY DEAR FELLOW-- YOU MUST LET ME-- PAY FOR THIS TAXI-- I REALLY MUST INSIST-- YOU'VE PAID FOR-- EVERYTHING, SO FAR-- AND I ENGAGED-- THE FELLOW-- WHY, YOU'VE PAID HIM ALREADY!-- WELL, LOOK HERE, YOU'LL REALLY HAVE TO-- TELL ME SOME TIME-- WHAT I OWE YOU." THE FUMBLER] [Illustration: "WAITER, BRING ME A WHISKY-AND-SODA, PLEASE." "I'M NOT A WAITER, CONFOUND YOU!" "OH, RIGHT-O--THEN DON'T TROUBLE."] [Illustration: How curious it is that jokes which-- irritate us in a book-- aggravate us in a magazine-- exasperate us in a newspaper-- & goad us to fury in a revue--_ Should go down so well in an after-dinner speech!] [Illustration: _Prospective Purchaser:_ "AND WHY DO YOUR ADVERTISEMENTS SAY THAT YOURS IS ESSENTIALLY THE CAR FOR THE OWNER-DRIVER?" _Salesman (under notice to leave):_ "BECAUSE NO SELF-RESPECTING CHAUFFEUR WILL CONDESCEND TO BE SEEN IN ONE."] [Illustration: TACT "EXCUSE ME, DRIVER, BUT COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE I'D BE MOST LIKELY TO FIND A TAXI?"] [Illustration: "... OR TO TAKE ARMS AGAINST A SEA OF TROUBLES ..." _Hamlet_, ACT III, Sc. 1.] [Illustration: "HULLO!---- MY DEAR---- OLD BOY---- HOW ARE YOU? BY JOVE, THAT'S A FUNNY THING---- COULD HAVE SWORN YOU WERE---- SOMEONE I KNEW---- BUT NOW I COME TO LOOK AT YOU---- YOU'RE NO MORE---- LIKE---- HIM---- THAN I AM." THE HEARTY FELLOW] [Illustration: DANSE DES VENTS] [Illustration: THE FIRST JOKE] [Illustration] [Illustration: WHAT INDIVIDUAL EFFORT WILL NOT BRING ABOUT---- "HOW'S THAT?" COMBINED ACTION WILL SOMETIMES EFFECT. "HOW'S THAT?"] [Illustration: PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN PROCESS OF DECIDING THAT THE HIRE OF A CAR TO TAKE HIM TO HIS FANCY-DRESS REVEL WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WORTH THE EXPENSE.] [Illustration: THE ADVENT OF THE CHAMPION