[It is extraordinary how apathetic and undemonstrative we are as a nation. Take, for instance, the case of Wally Tuff (champion of the world at his own weight, mark you), who came over here the other day for a quiet holiday.] ALTHOUGH-- NO ONE-- HAD ANY EXCUSE-- FOR NOT KNOWING KNOWING-- THAT HE WAS COMING-- WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT THAT OUT OF A POPULATION OF FORTY-TWO MILLIONS-- NOT MORE THAN TWO PER CENT. TURNED OUT TO SEE HIM ARRIVE?] [Illustration: "DEAR, DEAR, DEAR! WHAT A CURIOUS ACCIDENT! I THOUGHT THAT ONLY HAPPENED IN THE COMIC PAPERS."] [Illustration: "OH, MR. JONES, _WOULD_ YOU WRITE SOME FUNNY LITTLE THING IN MY ALBUM?-- --AND IN MINE?-- --AND IN MINE?-- --AND IN MINE?-- --AND IN MINE?-- --AND IN MINE?-- --AND IN OURS?-- --HERE'S SOME INK--AND A PEN-- --AND A CHAIR-- --AND A TABLE-- --AND NOW WE'LL ALL GATHER ROUND, CHICKS AND BE READY FOR A REAL GOOD LAUGH!" THE PROFESSIONAL HUMOURIST PAYS A VISIT] [Illustration: _Voice from the gods:_ "IT'S ALL RIGHT, MISS. DON'T YOU TAKE ON SO. THEY'RE ONLY DOING IT FOR THE PICTURES."] [Illustration: THE TRAGEDY OF A TROUSER] [Illustration] [Illustration: I ALWAYS THINK THE TELEGRAM CUSTOM-- ADDS SUCH A TONE-- TO CRICKET. I WISH-- IT COULD-- BE-- INTRODUCED-- INTO-- RUGGER.] [Illustration: _The Lost Ticket_--] [Illustration: THE CHARM OF VILLAGE CRICKET THE CHARM OF VILLAGE CRICKET LIES TO A GREAT EXTENT IN THE STRESS IT PLACES ON THE INDIVIDUAL FACTOR. FOR INSTANCE, ONE KNOWS THAT, OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, IF ONE HITS THE BALL DIRECTLY TOWARDS A-- FIELDER IN A CLOTH CAP ONE CAN RUN A SINGLE-- AND IF HE'S WEARING BRACES ONE CAN RUN TWO-- BUT IF HE'S GOT ON ONE OF THOSE FANCY SWEATERS ONE STAYS WHERE ONE IS. SIMILARLY, A BELT WITH A SNAKE IN IT MEANS A SINGLE-- SO DOES A CLUB TIE-- WHEREAS A GENT'S FANCY BOW MEANS TWO. ONE TAKES NO RISKS, OF COURSE, WITH A HANDKERCHIEF ROUND THE NECK-- BUT ONE GETS IN TWO FOR TROUSERS TUCKED INTO SOCKS-- STRETCHING IT TO THREE FOR A STRAW HAT-- AND FOUR FOR A BLACK WAISTCOAT-- WHILE FOR CUFFS BUTTONED AT THE WRIST-- OR A DICKEY ONE JUST BUNS IT OUT. WITH SMALL BOYS IN SHORTS ONE NATURALLY TAKES NO CHANCES WHATEVER-- AS EVERYONE KNOWS THEY ARE APT TO BECOME SO CONFOUNDEDLY ENTHUSIASTIC.] [Illustration: UNREST THROUGH THE AGES. THE AMALGAMATED SOCIETY OF BAKERS IN GOOD KING ALFRED'S REIGN PROTESTS AGAINST THE EMPLOYMENT OF A NON-UNION MAN. THE MARINER'S UNION THREATENS DIRECT ACTION IF KING CANUTE TAMPERS WITH THE TIDES.] [Illustration: UNREST THROUGH THE AGES THE HOUSEHOLD STAFF OF THE BORGIAS DEMANDS TO BE PUT UPON BOARD WAGES. JAMES WATT IS UNABLE TO CARRY OUT HIS EXPERIMENTS THROUGH A STRIKE OF THE EMPLOYEES OF THE LOCAL WATER COMPANY.] [Illustration: "CAN YOU TELL ME IF THIS IS THE RIGHT ROAD FOR LONDON, PLEASE?" "WHY, BLESS MY SOUL, AIN'T NONE OF YOU EVER BEEN THERE BEFORE?"]