DUMBELLS OF BUSINESS [Illustration: Earning Bus Fare] DUMBELLS OF BUSINESS by PROFF O.U. BOJACK (BUS.DOC.) AUTHOR OF “LITTLE NIFTY LESSONS IN SALESMANSHIP,” “LITTLE NIFTY LESSONS IN BUYING,” “LITTLE NIFTY LESSONS IN LOVE & MARRIAGE,” ETC. Fighting Editor “BOJACK’S NOISY EXPORTER” Pruned of Profanity by LOUIS C. M. REED [Illustration] 1922 THE STRATFORD CO., PUBLISHERS Boston, Massachusetts Copyright, 1922 The STRATFORD CO., Publishers Boston, Mass. The Alpine Press, Boston, Mass., U. S. A. _THESE playful biffs on the beak of Business appeared originally in a little House Magazine called “Auto Suggestions.”_ _Many of them have been completely revised for the purpose of this volume, over the rasping nasal protest of Proff Bojack who believes in letting Well Enough alone until it crawls up and bites you in the leg, as mentioned somewhere in the text—then roll over on the other side._ _The characters are drawn from the daily life of the average American business organization where men are somehow sweating through to Success against the cordovan inertia of the Dumbells of Business._ —_THE PRUNER_ [Illustration: Proff O. U. Bojack (Bus. Doc.)] DEDICATED WITH A WARMTH OF FELLOW FEELING TO ALL BEDEVILED BRETHERN OF THE BUSINESS WORLD _The Author_ Contents Hot Sketch No. Page 1 The Plant Cured of Mossbackitis 1 2 The Lurid Lot of the Leaker 13 3 The Self Abnegationist And His Finish 21 4 The Bird Who Berated Business Assn’s 29 5 The Advertising Genius of Squirrelville 39 6 The Salesman Who Became Buyer 47 7 The Pampered Dealer 59 8 The Efficiency Expert 69 9 The Road Rat Who Gave Up Home Comforts 85 10 The Man Who Organized Manufacturers 103 11 The Perpetual Planner 113 12 The Twin-Six Philanthropist 123 13 The Yob Who Let Business Slide 131 14 The Would-Be Sales Promoter 139 15 The Young Satellites of Stallville 157 16 The Benedict Who Wisdomed-Up 165 17 The Business Baggers of Punkton 173 18 The Picayune Planet 183 19 The Passing of the Buck Passer 191 20 The Executive With The Clerk’s Mind 199 21 The War Winning Patrioteer 209 22 Typical American And Critical American 219 23 When Mental Leech Meets Mental Leech 233 24 The Export Group Grafter 245 HOT SKETCH NO. 1 THE PLANT CURED OF MOSSBACKITIS OUT among the gnarled oaks of Squirrel Cove there buzzed a busy manufacturing plant.