Bildungsromans; Psychological fiction; Young women -- Fiction
‘When are they coming back, Lacey? It’s high time, isn’t it?’
He paused; then said:
‘You maybe won’t have heard, Miss....’
‘What?’
‘Master Charlie’s been killed.... Yes, Miss. We ‘ad word from London
this afternoon. Ah, it’s cruel. It’ll about kill his Grannie, that’s wot
I sez first thing--about kill her it will. He was the apple of her eye.
That’s what we all said--the apple of her eye. She says to me once she
says: “Lacey,” she says, “Master Charlie’ll live ‘ere when I’m gorn. I’m
keepin’ the place on for ’im,” she says. “It shall never be let nor
nothing. It’s ‘is, for ’im to bring ‘is wife to. Ah, pore little Miss
Mariella, pore soul....” He broke into feeble weeping. “Ah, it’ll about
be the death of ‘is Grannie. Pore Master Charlie--pore little chap ...
everybody’s favourite, I remember ’im when ‘e was.... Yes, Missie, yes,
Miss Judith....’
His voice failed; and with a hand touching his hat over and over again
in mechanical apology, confused distress and appeal, he went shuffling
away into the shadows.
* * * * *
But of course, of course he was dead; she had expected it all the time.
Now it had happened she could turn to other things. She thought: ‘It’s
not bad now; it’ll be worse later: then some time it will stop. I must
bear it--bear it--bear it!’
That wheezing voice echoed in the solitude and complained: ‘Pore Master
Charlie, pore little chap,’ over and over again through the dark lane
among the poplars, above the wall of the garden where the poor little
boy had lived long ago.
Had he really lived? Forget him, forget him. He was only a shadow any
way, a romantic illusion, a beautiful plaything of the imagination:
nothing of importance. Put him away, be sensible, be indifferent, gather
round you once again the imperturbable mysteries of nature, be blinded
and made deaf with them for ever. He was much better dead. He was weak
and spoilt, selfish; he wouldn’t have been any good.... He never could
bear blood: he must be thankful to be dead.
Where was he? He seemed to be near, listening to what you had to say of
his death.
‘Charlie, my darling, if only you’d known how I loved you!’
‘I know now. I shall always be watching you.’
Then there is no cause for weeping: he is alive, he is in God’s keeping.
“Lord, into thy hands I commend his spirit.” What did that mean?
Pretend, pretend to believe it, cover the blankness with confident
assertions.
What had become of that shining head? How did he look now?
At this very moment they were all weeping for Charlie shot dead in
France. It was really true: he was dead and in the earth, he had
vanished for ever. Her mind wavered and fainted under the burden of
their grief: her own she could endure, but theirs was intolerable.
She went back, out of the unregarding night, to the Greek verbs which
must be learnt by to-morrow.
* * * * *
A long time after, came the last terrible dream.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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