“When I arrived at home, I ought to have been smarting with a guilty conscience, but I had succeeded in stifling things, and though I cannot say I felt irreligious, I was far from a Christian walk with God. On Sunday morning Dr. Chalmers preached his sermon upon the enjoyment and preparation for heaven, and told us that the fruition of heaven was already begun in the Christian’s mind by the work of sanctification and regeneration in his heart. I began to think how this work was going on with me, but I found it so difficult to bring my thoughts to bear upon the subject that I carried the process of examination very little way, but that little brought a whole array of irreligion before me. I felt that my heart was not right with God, that I had not that love towards the Saviour, nor that detestation of sin, which it appeared to me that any one must feel who had in truth participated in the Christian covenant, and I was surprised and horror-struck at finding that I had been guilty, not only of neglect, but of some actual violations of God’s law. Still, with all this I could not bring my mind to dwell upon its own state, and my serious thoughts were constantly supplanted by others of a trivial nature. I tried to go and pray as an offending sinner, but I could not collect my thoughts, and though I daily said my prayers they were heartless and cold, and did not at all reach the deep sensation of need which I every now and then experienced, and I felt that I was making no progress, though I was growing very anxious. Every now and then my faith almost gave way, and I thought that I had resisted the Spirit so long that God had taken it from me. Then again I thought of some passages such as these: ‘It is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom of life,’ and those beautiful verses in the third of St. John, ver. 14; and I heard Dr. Chalmers’ morning reading upon the generality of the Gospel offers, when he dwelt upon the words ‘whosoever’ and ‘every one,’ and I thought too upon the great Sacrifice that had been made for sinners, and I had times of alternating hope and despondency, but I was never happy because I found I could not pray with my whole heart in faith, and I did not think I was under the influence of the Holy Ghost. This went on till Sunday evening. I then heard an excellent sermon from Mr. Fisk about the enthusiasm which a Christian must feel towards God and the Saviour, and I felt that the state of my own heart differed widely from this description. I came home very unhappy, but even then I could not get rid of wandering thoughts, by which I was so discouraged that I began to think that God had cast me off. Then I thought of the promises, especially ‘Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest’; but then I felt that