“Can’t do?” He opened his eyes. “Haven’t I done it in twenty volumes? I
do it in my way,” he continued. “You don’t do it in yours.”
“Ours is so devilish difficult,” I weakly observed.
“So is mine. We each choose our own. There’s no compulsion. You won’t
come down and smoke?”
“No. I want to think this thing out.”
“You’ll tell me then in the morning that you’ve laid me bare?”
“I’ll see what I can do; I’ll sleep on it. But just one word more,” I
added. We had left the room--I walked again with him a few steps along
the passage. “This extraordinary ‘general intention,’ as you call
it--for that’s the most vivid description I can induce you to make of
it--is then generally a sort of buried treasure?”
His face lighted. “Yes, call it that, though it’s perhaps not for me to
do so.”
“Nonsense!” I laughed. “You know you’re hugely proud of it.”
“Well, I didn’t propose to tell you so; but it _is_ the joy of my soul!”
“You mean it’s a beauty so rare, so great?”
He hesitated a moment. “The loveliest thing in the world!” We had
stopped, and on these words he left me; but at the end of the corridor,
while I looked after him rather yearningly, he turned and caught sight
of my puzzled face. It made him earnestly, indeed I thought quite
anxiously, shake his head and wave his finger. “Give it up--give it up!”
This wasn’t a challenge--it was fatherly advice. If I had had one of his
books at hand I would have repeated my recent act of faith--I would
have spent half the night with him. At three o’clock in the morning, not
sleeping, remembering moreover how indispensable he was to Lady Jane, I
stole down to the library with a candle. There wasn’t, so far as I could
discover, a line of his writing in the house.
IV
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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