England, My EnglandLawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
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England, My England
Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Short stories, English
And between this young mother and this young father lay the crippled
child, like a bit of pale silk floss on the pillow, and a little white
pain-quenched face. He could not bear it. He just could not bear it. He
turned aside. There was nothing to do but to turn aside. He turned
aside, and went hither and thither, desultory. He was still attractive
and desirable. But there was a little frown between his brow as if he
had been cleft there with a hatchet: cleft right in, for ever, and that
was the stigma.
The child’s leg was saved: but the knee was locked stiff. The fear now
was lest the lower leg should wither, or cease to grow. There must be
long-continued massage and treatment, daily treatment, even when the
child left the nursing home. And the whole of the expense was borne by
the grandfather.
Egbert now had no real home. Winifred with the children and nurse was
tied to the little flat in London. He could not live there: he could
not contain himself. The cottage was shut-up—or lent to friends. He
went down sometimes to work in his garden and keep the place in order.
Then with the empty house around him at night, all the empty rooms, he
felt his heart go wicked. The sense of frustration and futility, like
some slow, torpid snake, slowly bit right through his heart. Futility,
futility: the horrible marsh-poison went through his veins and killed
him.
As he worked in the garden in the silence of day he would listen for a
sound. No sound. No sound of Winifred from the dark inside of the
cottage: no sound of children’s voices from the air, from the common,
from the near distance. No sound, nothing but the old dark
marsh-venomous atmosphere of the place. So he worked spasmodically
through the day, and at night made a fire and cooked some food alone.
He was alone. He himself cleaned the cottage and made his bed. But his
mending he did not do. His shirts were slit on the shoulders, when he
had been working, and the white flesh showed through. He would feel the
air and the spots of rain on his exposed flesh. And he would look again
across the common, where the dark, tufted gorse was dying to seed, and
the bits of cat-heather were coming pink in tufts, like a sprinkling of
sacrificial blood.
His heart went back to the savage old spirit of the place: the desire
for old gods, old, lost passions, the passion of the cold-blooded,
darting snakes that hissed and shot away from him, the mystery of
blood-sacrifices, all the lost, intense sensations of the primeval
people of the place, whose passions seethed in the air still, from
those long days before the Romans came. The seethe of a lost, dark
passion in the air. The presence of unseen snakes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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