English Jests and Anecdotes, Collected from Various SourcesVarious
General
English Jests and Anecdotes, Collected from Various Sources
Various
Anecdotes -- England; English wit and humor
When Lord North introduced Dr. Robertson to the king, his majesty made
many inquiries concerning the medical professors of Edinburgh, and
the state of the college, of which the doctor was principal. Being
thus taken upon his own ground, the historian expatiated at large with
gravity and decorum on the merits of the Edinburgh College; mentioned
the various branches of learning which were taught in it, the number
of students that flocked to it from all quarters of the world; and in
reply to his majesty’s particular inquiries concerning it as a School
of Physic, he observed that no college could boast of conferring the
degree of physic on so many gentlemen as that of Edinburgh; for it
annually sent out more than forty physicians, besides vast quantities
of those who exercised the lower functions of the faculty, as surgeons,
apothecaries, &c. “Heaven,” exclaimed the king, interrupting the
doctor, “Heaven have mercy on my poor subjects?”
SIR JOHN MILLICENT.
One asked Sir John Millicent, a man of wit, how he did to conform to
the grave justices his brethren, when they met. “Indeed,” answered he,
“I have no other way to do than to drink myself down to the capacity of
the bench.”
THE FISHMONGER.
A gentleman cheapening fish at a stall, and being asked what he thought
an unconscionable price, exclaimed--“Do you suppose I pick up my money
in the street!” “No, sir,” replied the vender, “_but I do_.”
THE BLESSINGS OF TRIAL BY JURY.
A juryman, not so pliant as many, was repeatedly singular in his
opinion, but so determined as always to bring over the other eleven.
The judge asked him once how he came to be so fastidious? “My lord,”
said he, “no man is more open to conviction than I am; but I have not
met the same pliancy in others; for it has generally been my lot to be
on a jury with _eleven obstinate men_.”
LORD SHAFTESBURY.
The history of this nobleman, in the _Biographia Britannica_, is a mere
panegyric on him. A bon mot of himself conveys the truest idea of his
character. Charles the Second said to him one day, “Shaftesbury, I
believe thou art the wickedest fellow in my dominions.” He bowed, and
replied, “Of a _subject_, sir, I believe I am.”
THE BREWER.
A brewer was drowned in his own vat. Mr. Jekyll, being informed of
the circumstance, said that the verdict of the jury should be--“Found
floating on his _watery bier_!”
JACK TAR AND THE PARSON.
An honest tar, just returned from sea, met his old messmate, Bet
Blowsy: he was so overjoyed that he determined to commit matrimony;
but, at the altar, the parson demurred, as there was not cash enough
between them to pay the fees; on which Jack, thrusting a few shillings
into the sleeve of his cassock, exclaimed--“D--n it, brother, never
mind! marry us as far as it will go!”
SHERIDAN.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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