Ernest Maltravers — Volume 02Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
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Ernest Maltravers — Volume 02
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
English fiction -- 19th century
"You are cruel," said Valerie, smiling mournfully; "but so are all men.
Now let me make myself understood. I was betrothed to Monsieur de
Ventadour in my childhood. I did not see him till a month before we
married. I had no choice. French girls have none. We were wed. I had
formed no other attachment. I was proud and vain: wealth, ambition, and
social rank for a time satisfied my faculties and my heart. At length I
grew restless and unhappy. I felt that something of life was wanting.
Monsieur de Ventadour's sister was the first to recommend me to the
common resource of our sex--at least, in France--a lover. I was shocked
and startled, for I belong to a family in which women are chaste and men
brave. I began, however, to look around me, and examine the truth of
the philosophy of vice. I found that no woman, who loved honestly and
deeply an illicit lover was happy. I found, too, the hideous profundity
of Rochefoucauld's maxim that a woman--I speak of French women--may live
without a lover; but, a lover once admitted, she never goes through life
with only one. She is deserted; she cannot bear the anguish and the
solitude; she fills up the void with a second idol. For her there is no
longer a fall from virtue: it is a gliding and involuntary descent from
sin to sin, till old age comes on and leaves her without love and
without respect. I reasoned calmly, for my passions did not blind my
reason. I could not love the egotists around me. I resolved upon my
career; and now, in temptation, I will adhere to it. Virtue is my
lover, my pride, my comfort, my life of life. Do you love me, and will
you rob me of this treasure? I saw you, and for the first time I felt a
vague and intoxicating interest in another; but I did not dream of
danger. As our acquaintance advanced I formed to myself a romantic and
delightful vision. I would be your firmest, your truest friend; your
confidant, your adviser--perhaps, in some epochs of life, your
inspiration and your guide. I repeat that I foresaw no danger in your
society. I felt myself a nobler and a better being. I felt more
benevolent, more tolerant, more exalted. I saw life through the medium
of purifying admiration for a gifted nature, and a profound and generous
soul. I fancied we might be ever thus--each to each;--one strengthened,
assured, supported by the other. Nay, I even contemplated with pleasure
the prospect of your future marriage with another--of loving your
wife--of contributing with her to your happiness--my imagination made me
forget that we are made of clay. Suddenly all these visions were
dispelled--the fairy palace was overthrown, and I found myself awake,
and on the brink of the abyss--you loved me, and in the moment of that
fatal confession, the mask dropped from my soul, and I felt that you had
become too dear to me. be silent still, I implore you. I do not tell
you of the emotions, of the struggles, through which I have passed the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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