Fancies Versus FadsChesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
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Fancies Versus Fads
Chesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
English essays -- 20th century
A phrase, which we have all heard, is sometimes uttered by some small
man sentenced to some small term of imprisonment, for either or both of
the two principal reasons for imprisoning a man in modern England: that
he is known to the police, and that he is not known to the magistrate.
When such a man receives a more or less temperate term of imprisonment,
he is often reported as having left the dock saying that he would “do it
on his head.” In his own self-consciousness, he is merely seeking to
maintain his equilibrium by that dazed and helpless hilarity which is
the only philosophy allowed to him. But the phrase itself, like a great
part of really popular slang, is highly symbolic. The English pauper
(who tends to become numerically the preponderant Englishman) does
really reconcile himself to existence by putting himself in an inverted
and grotesque posture towards it. He does really stand on his head,
because he is living in topsy-turvydom.
He finds himself in an Upsidonia fully as fantastic as Mr. Archibald
Marshall’s, and far less fair and logical; in a landscape as wild as if
the trees grew downwards or the moon hung below his feet. He lives in a
world in which the man who lends him money makes him a beggar; in
which, when he is a beggar, the man who gives him money makes him a
criminal; in which, when he is a criminal and “known to the police,” he
becomes permanently liable to be arrested for other people’s crimes. He
is punished if his home is neglected, though there is nobody to look
after it, and punished again if it is not neglected, and the children
are kept from school to look after it. He is arrested for sleeping on
private land, and arrested again for sleeping on public land, and
arrested, be it noted, for the positive and explicit reason that he has
no money to sleep anywhere else. In short, he is under laws of such
naked and admitted lunacy that they might quite as well tell him to
pluck all the feathers off the cows, or to amputate the left leg of a
whale. There is no possible way of behaving in such a pantomime city
except as a sort of comic acrobat, a knockabout comedian who does as
many things as possible on his head. He is, both by accident and design,
a tumbler. It is a proverb about his children that they tumble up; it is
the whole joke about his drunkenness that he tumbles down. But he is in
a world in which standing straight or standing still have become both
impossible and fatal. Meredith rightly conceived the only possible
philosophy of this modern outlaw as that of Juggling Jerry; and even
what is called his swindling is mostly this sort of almost automatic
juggling. His nearest approach to social status is mere kinetic
stability, like a top. There was, indeed, another tumbler called in
tradition Our Lady’s Tumbler, who performed happier antics before a
shrine in the days of superstition; and whose philosophy was perhaps
more positive than Juggling Jerry’s or Meredith’s. But a strenuous
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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