Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
VERNON [_turning to his aunts_]. Fanny isn’t coming with us.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [_to Fanny_]. Oh, my dear!
FANNY. It’s only a headache. [_She takes her aside_.] I’m rather glad
of it. I want an excuse for a little time to myself.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I understand, dear. It’s all been so
sudden. [_She kisses her—then to the room_] She’ll be all the better
alone. We three will go on. [_She nods and signs to her sister_.]
FANNY [_kissing the Elder Miss Wetherell_]. Don’t you get betting.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Oh no, dear, we never do. It’s just to see
the dear horses. [_She joins her sister_. _They whisper_.]
VERNON [_to the Doctor to whom he has been talking_]. Can we give you a
lift?
DR. FREEMANTLE. Well, you might as far as the Vicarage. Good-bye, Lady
Bantock.
FANNY [_shaking hands_]. Good-bye, Doctor.
VERNON. Sure you won’t be lonely?
FANNY [_laughs_]. Think I can’t exist an hour without you? Mr.
Conceited!
VERNON [_laughs and kisses her_]. Come along. [_He takes the Doctor and
his younger Aunt towards the door_.]
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [_who is following last_]. I like you in that
frock.
FANNY [_laughs_]. So glad. It’s Ernest who attends to the fires, isn’t
it?
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Yes, dear.
FANNY. I wish you’d send him up. [_At door—calls after them_] Hope
you’ll all enjoy yourselves!
VERNON [_from the distance_]. I shall put you on a fiver.
FANNY. Mind it wins. [_She listens a moment—closes door_, _comes back
to desk_, _and takes a Bradshaw_.] Five-six-three—five-six-three.
[_Finds page_.] St. Pancras, eight o’clock. Oh, Lord! Stamford, 10.45.
Leave Stamford—[_Ernest has entered_.] Is that you, Ernest?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. Shut the door. Sure it went off last night, that telegram?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. If he doesn’t catch that eight o’clock, he can’t get here till
nearly four. That will be awkward. [_To Ernest_] What time is it now?
ERNEST [_looks at clock_]. Twenty past eleven.
FANNY. If he does, he’ll be here about twelve—I believe I’ll go and meet
him. Could I get out without being seen?
ERNEST. You’ll have to pass the lodge.
FANNY. Who’s at the lodge now?
ERNEST. Mother.
FANNY. Damn!
_Bennet has entered unnoticed and drawn near_. _At this point from
behind_, _he boxes Ernest’s ears_.
ERNEST. Here, steady!
BENNET. On the occasions when your cousin forgets her position, you will
remember it and remind her of it. Get out! [_Ernest_, _clumsily as
ever_, “_gets out_.”] A sort of person has called who, according to his
own account, “happened to be passing this way,” and would like to see
you.
FANNY [_who has been trying to hide the Bradshaw—with affected
surprise_.] To see me!
BENNET [_drily_]. Yes. I thought you would be surprised. He claims to
be an old friend of yours—Mr. George Newte.
FANNY [_still keeping it up_]. George Newte! Of course—ah, yes. Do you
mind showing him up?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account