Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
HONORIA [_checking her outburst_]. But then, dear—you will excuse my
speaking plainly—there is a slight difference between the two cases.
[_She seats herself on the settee_. _Fanny is standing near the desk_.]
You see, what we all feel about you, dear, is—that you are—well, hardly a
fit wife for his lordship. [_Fanny’s hands are itching to box the girl’s
ears_. _To save herself_, _she grinds out through her teeth the word_
“_Tack_!”] Of course, dear, it isn’t altogether your fault.
FANNY. Thanks.
HONORIA. Your mother’s marriage was most unfortunate.
FANNY [_her efforts to suppress her feelings are just—but only
just—successful_.] Need we discuss that?
HONORIA. Well, he was an Irishman, dear, there’s no denying it. [_Fanny
takes a cushion from a chair—with her back to Honoria_, _she strangles
it_. _Jane has entered and is listening_.] Still, perhaps it is a
painful subject. And we hope—all of us—that, with time and patience, we
may succeed in eradicating the natural results of your bringing-up.
JANE. Some families, finding themselves in our position, would seek to
turn it to their own advantage. _We_ think only of your good.
FANNY. Yes, that’s what I feel—that you are worrying yourselves too much
about me. You’re too conscientious, all of you. You, in particular,
Jane, because you know you’re not strong. _You’ll_ end up with a nervous
breakdown. [_Mrs. Bennet has entered_. _Honoria slips out_. _Fanny
turns to her aunt_.] I was just saying how anxious I’m getting about
Jane. I don’t like the look of her at all. What she wants is a holiday.
Don’t you agree with me?
MRS. BENNET. There will be no holiday, I fear, for any of us, for many a
long day.
FANNY. But you must. You must think more of yourselves, you know.
_You’re_ not looking well, aunt, at all. What you both want is a
month—at the seaside.
MRS. BENNET. Your object is too painfully apparent for the subject to
need discussion. True solicitude for us would express itself better in
greater watchfulness upon your own behaviour.
FANNY. Why, what have I done?
_Bennet enters_, _followed_, _unwillingly_, _by Ernest_.
MRS. BENNET. Your uncle will explain.
BENNET. Shut that door. [_Ernest does so_. _They group round
Bennet—Ernest a little behind_. _Fanny remains near the desk_.] Sit
down. [_Fanny_, _bewildered_, _speechless_, _sits_.] Carry your mind
back, please, to the moment when, with the Bradshaw in front of you, you
were considering, with the help of your cousin Ernest, the possibility of
your slipping out unobserved, to meet and commune with a person you had
surreptitiously summoned to visit you during your husband’s absence.
FANNY. While I think of it, did he have anything to eat before he went?
I told Ernest to—ask you to see that he had a glass of champagne and a—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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