Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
BENNET [_waves her back into silence_]. Mr. Newte was given refreshment
suitable to his station. [_She goes to interrupt_. _Again he waves her
back_.] We are speaking of more important matters. Your cousin reminded
you that you would have to pass the lodge, occupied by your Aunt Amelia.
I state the case correctly?
FANNY. Beautifully!
BENNET. I said nothing at the time, doubting the evidence of my own
ears. The boy, however—where is the boy?—[_Ernest is pushed
forward_]—has admitted—reluctantly—that he also heard it. [_A pause_.
_The solemnity deepens_.] You made use of an expression—
FANNY. Oh, cut it short. I said “damn.” [_A shudder passes_.] I’m
sorry to have frightened you, but if you knew a little more of really
good society, you would know that ladies—quite slap-up ladies—when
they’re excited, do—.
MRS. BENNET [_interrupting with almost a scream_]. She defends it!
BENNET. You will allow _me_ to be the judge of what a _lady_ says, even
when she is excited. As for this man, Newte—
FANNY. The best friend you ever had. [_She is_ “_up_” _again_.] You
thank your stars, all of you, and tell the others, too, the whole blessed
twenty-three of you—you thank your stars that I did “surreptitiously” beg
and pray him to run down by the first train and have a talk with me; and
that Providence was kind enough to _you_ to enable him to come. It’s a
very different tune you’d have been singing at this moment—all of you—if
he hadn’t. I can tell you that.
MRS. BENNET. And pray, what tune _should_ we have been singing if
Providence hadn’t been so thoughtful of us?
FANNY [_she is about to answer_, _then checks herself_, _and sits
again_]. You take care you don’t find out. There’s time yet.
MRS. BENNET. We had better leave her.
BENNET. Threats, my good girl, will not help you.
MRS. BENNET [_with a laugh_]. She’s in too tight a corner for that.
BENNET. A contrite heart is what your aunt and I desire to see. [_He
takes from his pocket a small book_, _places it open on the desk_.] I
have marked one or two passages, on pages 93–7. We will discuss them
together—later in the day.
_They troop out in silence_, _the key turns in the lock_.
FANNY [_takes up the book—turns to the cover_, _reads_]. “The Sinner’s
Manual.” [_She turns to page_ 93.]
[CURTAIN]
_ACT III_
_SCENE_
_The same_.
_Time_.—_A few days later_.
_A table is laid for tea_. _Ernest enters with the tea-urn_. _He leaves
the door open_; _through it comes the sound of an harmonium_,
_accompanying the singing of a hymn_. _Fanny comes from her
dressing-room_. _She is dressed more cheerfully than when we last saw
her_, _but still_ “_seemly_.” _She has a book in her hand_. _She
pauses_, _hearing the music_, _goes nearer to the open door_, _and
listens_; _then crosses and takes her place at the table_. _The music
ceases_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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