Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
_The door opens softly_. _Newte steals in_. _He fumbles his way across
to the windows_, _draws the blinds_. _The morning sun streams in_. _He
listens—no one seems to be stirring_. _He goes out_, _returns
immediately with a butler’s tray_, _containing all things necessary for a
breakfast and the lighting of a fire_. _He places the tray on table_,
_throws his coat over a chair_, _and is on his knees busy lighting the
fire_, _when enter the Misses Wetherell_, _clad in dressing-gowns and
caps_: _yet still they continue to look sweet_. _They also creep in_,
_hand in hand_. _The crouching Newte is hidden by a hanging
fire-screen_. _They creep forward till the coat hanging over the chair
catches their eye_. _They are staring at it as Robinson Crusoe might at
the footprint_, _when Newte rises suddenly and turns_. _The Misses
Wetherell give a suppressed scream_, _and are preparing for flight_.
NEWTE [_he stays them_]. No call to run away, ladies. When a man’s
travelled—as I have—across America, in a sleeping-car, with a comic-opera
troop, there’s not much left for him to know. You want your breakfast!
[_He wheedles them to the table_.] We’ll be able to talk cosily—before
anybody else comes.
_They yield themselves_. _He has a way with him_.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We haven’t slept all night.
_Newte answers with a sympathetic gesture_. _He is busy getting ready
the breakfast_.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. There’s something we want to tell dear
Vernon—before he says anything to Fanny.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It’s something very important.
NEWTE. We’ll have a cup of tea first—to steady our nerves.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It’s so important that we should tell him
before he sees Fanny.
NEWTE. We’ll see to it. [_He makes the tea_.] I fancy they’re both
asleep at present.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Poor boy!
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. If she only hadn’t—
_Dr. Freemantle has entered_.
DR. FREEMANTLE. I thought I heard somebody stirring—
NEWTE. Hush! [_He indicates doors_, _the one leading to her ladyship’s
apartments_, _the other to his lordship’s_.]
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [_turning and greeting him_]. It was so kind
of you not to leave us last night.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We were so upset.
_Dr. Freemantle pats their hands_.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We hope you slept all right.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Excellently. Shall be glad of a shave, that’s all.
[_Laughs_. _Both he and Newte suggest the want of one_.]
NEWTE [_who has been officiating_]. Help yourself to milk and sugar.
DR. FREEMANTLE [_who has seated himself_]. Have the Bennets gone?
NEWTE. Well, they had their notice all right.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [_they have begun to cry_]. It has been so
wrong and foolish of us. We have never learnt to do anything for
ourselves.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We don’t even know where our things are.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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