Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
FANNY. The excitement! Do you know what an actress’s life always seemed
to me like? Dancing on a tight-rope with everybody throwing stones at
you. One soon gets tired of that sort of excitement. Oh, I was never in
love with the stage. Had to do something for a living.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It must be a hard life for a woman.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Especially for anyone not brought up to it.
FANNY. You see, I had a good voice and what I suppose you might call a
natural talent for acting. It seemed the easiest thing.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I suppose your family were very much opposed
to it? [_Vernon rises_. _He stands with his back to the fire_.]
FANNY. My family? Hadn’t any!
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. No family?
_Bennet enters_. _Vernon and Fanny left the door open_. _He halts_,
_framed by the doorway_.
FANNY. No. You see, I was an only child. My father and mother both
died before I was fourteen.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. But your uncle?
FANNY. Oh, him! It was to get away from him and all that crew that I
went on the stage.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It is so sad when relations don’t get on
together.
FANNY. Sadder still when they think they’ve got a right to trample on
you, just because you happen to be an orphan and—I don’t want to talk
about my relations. I want to forget them. I stood them for nearly six
months. I don’t want to be reminded of them. I want to forget that they
ever existed. I want to forget—
_Bennet has come down very quietly_. _Fanny_, _from where he stands_,
_is the only one who sees him_. _He stands looking at her_, _his
features_, _as ever_, _immovable_. _At sight of him her eyes and mouth
open wider and wider_. _The words die away from her tongue_. _Vernon
has turned away to put a log on the fire_, _and so has not seen her
expression—only hears her sudden silence_. _He looks up and sees
Bennet_.
VERNON. Ah, Bennet! [_He advances_, _holding out his hand_.] You quite
well?
BENNET [_shaking hands with him_]. Quite well.
VERNON. Good! And all the family?
BENNET. Nothing to complain of. Charles has had a touch of influenza.
VERNON. Ah, sorry to hear that.
BENNET. And your lordship?
VERNON. Fit as a fiddle—your new mistress.
_Fanny has risen_. _Bennet turns to her_. _For a moment his back is
towards the other three_. _Fanny alone sees his face_.
BENNET. We shall endeavour to do our duty to her ladyship. [_He turns
to Vernon_.] I had arranged for a more fitting reception—
VERNON. To tell the honest truth, Bennet, the very thing we were afraid
of—why we walked from the station, and slipped in by the side door.
[_Laughing_.] Has the luggage come?
BENNET. It has just arrived. It was about that I came to ask. I could
not understand—
_The Misses Wetherell have also risen_. _Fanny’s speechless amazement is
attributed by them and Vernon to natural astonishment at discovery of his
rank_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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