Fanny and the Servant ProblemJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Fanny and the Servant Problem
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Comedy plays; English drama; Married people -- Drama
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. You will be wanting a quiet talk together.
We shall see you at dinner.
VERNON. What time is dinner?
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Half past seven. [_To Fanny_] But don’t
you hurry, dear. I will tell cook to delay it a little. [_She kisses
her_.]
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. You will want some time to arrange that pretty
hair of yours. [_She also kisses the passive_, _speechless Fanny_.
_They go out hand in hand_.]
BENNET. I will see, while I am here, that your lordship’s room is in
order.
VERNON. Why, where’s Robert, then?
BENNET. He has gone into town to do some shopping. We did not expect
your lordship much before nine. There may be one or two things to see
to. [_He goes into his lordship’s apartments_, _closing the door behind
him_.]
FANNY. Vernon, where am I?
VERNON. At home, dear.
FANNY. Yes, but where?
VERNON. At Bantock Hall, Rutlandshire. [_Fanny sits down on the
settee—drops down rather_.] You’re not angry with me? You know how the
world always talks in these cases. I wanted to be able to prove to them
all that you married me for myself. Not because I was Lord Bantock. Can
you forgive me?
FANNY [_she still seems in a dream_]. Yes—of course. You didn’t—you
wouldn’t—[_She suddenly springs up_.] Vernon, you do love me? [_She
flings her arms round his neck_.]
VERNON. Dear!
FANNY. You will never be ashamed of me?
VERNON. Dearest!
FANNY. I was only a music-hall singer. There’s no getting over it, you
know.
VERNON. I should have loved you had you been a beggar-maid.
FANNY [_she still clings to him_]. With an uncle a costermonger, and an
aunt who sold matches. It wouldn’t have made any difference to you,
would it? You didn’t marry me for my family, did you? You didn’t, did
you?
VERNON. Darling! I married you because you are the most fascinating,
the most lovable, the most wonderful little woman in the world. [_Fanny
gives a sob_.] As for your family—I’ve got a confession to make to you,
dear. I made inquiries about your family before I proposed to you. Not
for my own sake—because I knew I’d have to answer a lot of stupid
questions. It seemed to me quite a good family.
FANNY. It is! Oh, it is! There never was such a respectable family.
That’s why I never could get on with them.
VERNON [_laughing_]. Well, you haven’t got to—any more. We needn’t even
let them know—
_Bennet returns_.
BENNET. Robert I find has returned. It is ten minutes to seven.
VERNON. Thanks. Well, I shall be glad of a bath. [_He turns to
Fanny_.] Bennet will send your maid to you. [_He whispers to her_.]
You’ll soon get used to it all. As for the confounded family—we will
forget all about them. [_Fanny answers with another little stifled sob_.
_Bennet is drawing the curtains_, _his back to the room_. _Vernon_,
_seeing that Bennet is occupied_, _kisses the unresponsive Fanny and goes
out_.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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