At this exposure of his hypocrisy, the Sportsman was so overcome with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel, but pointing it out to his dog, walked thoughtfully away. The Fogy and the Sheik A Fogy who lived in a cave near a great caravan route returned to his home one day and saw, near by, a great concourse of men and animals, and in their midst a tower, at the foot of which something with wheels smoked and panted like an exhausted horse. He sought the Sheik of the Outfit. "What sin art thou committing now, O son of a Christian dog?" said the Fogy, with a truly Oriental politeness. "Boring for water, you black-and-tan galoot!" replied the Sheik of the Outfit, with that ready repartee which distinguishes the Unbeliever. "Knowest thou not, thou whelp of darkness and father of disordered livers," cried the Fogy, "that water will cause grass to spring up here, and trees, and possibly even flowers? Knowest thou not, that thou art, in truth, producing an oasis?" "And don't you know," said the Sheik of the Outfit, "that caravans will then stop here for rest and refreshments, giving you a chance to steal the camels, the horses, and the goods?" "May the wild hog defile my grave, but thou speakest wisdom!" the Fogy replied, with the dignity of his race, extending his hand. "Sheik." They shook. At Heaven's Gate Having arisen from the tomb, a Woman presented herself at the gate of Heaven, and knocked with a trembling hand. "Madam," said Saint Peter, rising and approaching the wicket, "whence do you come?" "From San Francisco," replied the Woman, with embarrassment, as great beads of perspiration spangled her spiritual brow. "Never mind, my good girl," the Saint said, compassionately. "Eternity is a long time; you can live that down." "But that, if you please, is not all." The Woman was growing more and more confused. "I poisoned my husband. I chopped up my babies. I--" "Ah," said the Saint, with sudden austerity, "your confession suggests a very grave possibility. Were you a member of the Women's Press Association?" The lady drew herself up and replied with warmth: "I was not." The gates of pearl and jasper swung back upon their golden hinges, making the most ravishing music, and the Saint, stepping aside, bowed low, saying: "Enter, then, into thine eternal rest." But the Woman hesitated. "The poisoning--the chopping--the--the--" she stammered. "Of no consequence, I assure you. We are not going to be hard on a lady who did not belong to the Women's Press Association. Take a harp." "But I applied for membership--I was blackballed." "Take two harps." The Catted Anarchist An Anarchist Orator who had been struck in the face with a Dead Cat by some Respector of Law to him unknown, had the Dead Cat arrested and taken before a Magistrate. "Why do you appeal to the law?" said the Magistrate--"You who go in for the abolition of law."