"Hand me over the bottle ov brandy," says the Pope to his head butler, "and fetch up the materi'ls," says he. "Ah, then, your Holiness," says his Riv'rence, mighty eager, "maybe you'd have a dhrop ov the native in your cellar? Sure it's all one throuble," says he, "and, troth, I dunna how it is, but brandy always plays the puck wid my inthrails." "'Pon my conscience, then," says the Pope, "it's very sorry I am, Misther Maguire," says he, "that it isn't in my power to plase you; for I'm sure and certaint that there's not as much whisky in Room this blessed minit as 'ud blind the eye ov a midge." "Well, in troth, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "I knewn there was no use in axing; only," says he, "I didn't know how else to exqueeze the liberty I tuck," says he, "ov bringing a small taste," says he, "ov the raal stuff," says he, hauling out an imperi'l quart bottle out ov his coat-pocket; "that never seen the face ov a gauger," says he, setting it down on the table fornenst the Pope: "and if you'll jist thry the full ov a thimble ov it, and if it doesn't rise the cockles ov your Holiness's heart, why, then, my name," says he, "isn't Tom Maguire!" and wid that he outs wid the cork. Well, the Pope at first was going to get vexed at Father Tom for fetching dhrink thataway in his pocket, as if there wasn't lashins in the house: so says he, "Misther Maguire," says he, "I'd have you to comprehind the differ betuxt an invitation to dinner from the succissor ov Saint Pether, and from a common mayur or a Prodesan squireen that maybe hasn't liquor enough in his cupboard to wet more nor his own heretical whistle. That may be the way wid them that you visit in Leithrim," says he, "and in Roscommon; and I'd let you know the differ in the prisint case," says he, "only that you're a champion of the Church and entitled to laniency. So," says he, "as the liquor's come, let it stay. And in troth I'm curis myself," says he, getting mighty soft when he found the delightful smell ov the _putteen_, "in invistigating the composition ov distilled liquors; it's a branch of natural philosophy," says he, taking up the bottle and putting it to his blessed nose. Ah! my dear, the very first snuff he got ov it, he cried out, the dear man: "Blessed Vargin, but it has the divine smell!" and crossed himself and the bottle half-a-dozen times running. "Well, sure enough, it's the blessed liquor now," says his Riv'rence, "and so there can be no harm any way in mixing a dandy ov punch; and," says he, stirring up the materi'ls with his goolden muddler--for everything at the Pope's table, to the very schrew for drawing the corks, was ov vergin goold--"if I might make bould," says he, "to spake on so deep a subjic afore your Holiness, I think it 'ud considherably facilitate the invistigation ov its chemisthry and phwarmaceutics, if you'd jist thry the laste sup in life ov it inwardly."