"Well, then, suppose I do make the same expiriment," says the Pope, in a much more condiscinding way nor you'd have expected--and wid that he mixes himself a real stiff facer. "Now, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "this bein' the first time you ever dispinsed them chymicals," says he, "I'll just make bould to lay down one rule of orthography," says he, "for conwhounding them, _secundem mortem_." "What's that?" says the Pope. "Put in the sperits first," says his Riv'rence; "and then put in the sugar; and remember, every dhrop ov wather you put in after that spoils the punch." "Glory be to God!" says the Pope, not minding a word Father Tom was saying. "Glory be to God!" says he, smacking his lips. "I never knewn what dhrink was afore," says he. "It bates the Lachrymalchrystal out of the face!" says he--"it's Necthar itself, it is, so it is!" says he, wiping his epistolical mouth wid the cuff ov his coat. "'Pon my secret honor," says his Riv'rence, "I'm raally glad to see your Holiness set so much to your satisfaction; especially," says he, "as, for fear ov accidents, I tuck the liberty ov fetching the fellow ov that small vesshel," says he, "in my other coat pocket. So divil a fear ov our running dhry till the but-end ov the evening, anyhow," says he. "Dhraw your stool in to the fire, Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "for faix," says he, "I'm bent on analysing the metaphwysics ov this phinomenon. Come, man alive, clear off," says he, "you're not dhrinking at all." "Is it dhrink?" says his Riv'rence; "by Gorra, your Holiness," says he, "I'd dhrink wid you till the cows'ud be coming home in the morning." So wid that they tackled to, to the second fugee a piece, and fell into larned discourse. But it's time for me now to be off to the lecthir at the Boord. Oh my sorra light upon ye, Docther Whately, wid your pilitical econimy and your hydherastatics! What the _dioul_ use has a poor hedge-master like me wid such deep larning as is only fit for the likes of them two that I left over their second tumbler? Howandiver, wishing I was like them, in regard ov the sup of dhrink, anyhow, I must break off my norration for the prisint; but when I see you again, I'll tell you how Father Tom made a hare ov the Pope that evening, both in theology and the cube root. CHAPTER II. HOW FATHER TOM SACKED HIS HOLINESS IN THEOLOGY AND LOGIC.