Fern Leaves from Fanny's Port-folio. Second SeriesFern, Fanny
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Fern Leaves from Fanny's Port-folio. Second Series
Fern, Fanny
American essays -- 19th century; Short stories, American
Meantime letters continued to come from Charley’s mother to her boy,
and my husband. It was impossible for me to blind myself to his growing
interest in them. On the days they were expected, (for she wrote at
regular intervals,) he would be absent and abstracted, or if any delay
occurred, almost irritable. When they were received, his eye kindled,
his step became elastic, and his whole face grew radiant with happiness.
As the time drew near for the birth of my infant, I grew timid with
sad forebodings. I was sitting, one evening at twilight, watching the
setting sun, and thinking of the quiet grave it was gilding, where my
silver-haired father slept, in the old church yard, when my husband
entered. An expression of pain flitted over his features, as he looked
at me, and taking my hand, he said, gently, _almost tenderly_, “You
are less well than usual, Hetty; you must not sit here, moping, by
yourself.”
I laid my head upon his shoulder with a happiness I had not known for
many months. “Listen to me, dear Grey,” said I; “I have a confidence to
repose in you that will ease my heart.
“It was pity, only, that drew your heart to mine; you do not love
me. I have known it a long while since. At first, the discovery gave
me a pang keener than death; but I have had a long and bitter struggle
with myself, and have conquered. It is not your fault that you cannot
love me. To the many voices of your heart, which cry, ‘Give, give,’
my response is weak and unsatisfying. Your wife should be gifted. She
should sympathise with you in your intellectual pursuits. She should
stimulate your pride, as well as your love. Such an one is Charley’s
mother. Your _heart_ has already wed her, and as God is my witness, I
have ceased to blame you. We cannot help our affections. I cannot help
loving you, though I know her mysterious power over your heart. I have
seen your struggles, your generous self-reproaches, in some sudden
outburst of kindness toward me, after the indulgence of some bright
dream, in which I had no share. Dear Grey, she is worthy of your love.
She has a heart, noble, good and true; a heart purified by suffering.
I see it in every line she writes. Should I not survive the birth of
my infant, I could give your happiness into her keeping without a
misgiving, though I have never looked upon her face.”
Little Hetty’s noble heart has long since ceased to throb with joy
or pain. To her husband’s breast is folded the babe, for whose little
life her own was yielded up. Threads of silver prematurely mingle amid
his ebon locks; for memory writes only on bereaved hearts the virtues
of the dead, while, with torturing minuteness, she pictures our own
short-comings, for which, alas! we can offer no atonement but our tears.
AUNT HEPSY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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