Fern Leaves from Fanny's Port-folio. Second SeriesFern, Fanny
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Fern Leaves from Fanny's Port-folio. Second Series
Fern, Fanny
American essays -- 19th century; Short stories, American
Such a crowd, such a rush, such a confusion I never expect to see
again. Equestrians and pedestrians; omnibuses and carriages; soldiers,
civilians and _uncivil_-ians; carts and curricles; city exquisites,
and country nondescripts; men on the run; women tiptoe-ing, with
all sails spread; papas in a putter; fat men sweltering; lean men,
with tempers as sharp as their bones, ruthlessly pushing through the
crowd; musicians perspiring in tuneful agony; thermometer evidently
on a spree; shirt-collars prostrate; dust everywhere; police nowhere;
everybody in somebody’s way;--whizz--buzz--rattle--bang--crash--smash;
“Oh _dear_! where’s Pa?”--“Sarah Maria, take care of your
flounces.”--“Get out of the way, can’t you?”--“Take your cane out of my
eye, will you?”--“Mr. Jones, just see the way that baby’s best bonnet
is jammed!”--“Hurry!”--“I _can’t_ hurry; somebody has trod on my skirt,
and burst off the hooks; so much for not letting me wear Bloomers!
What a figure I cut, to appear before the President, and no chance to
apologize, Mr. Jones!”
--Well; it’s eleven o’clock, and after several abortive attempts,
we succeed in arresting an omnibus, labelled “for the Hippodrome and
Crystal Palace.” Away we go--dashing through the crowd, regardless
of limbs, vehicular or human. Broadway is lined, on either side, with
a dense throng of questionable looking expectants, waiting “to see
the procession.” Short people are at a discount; no chance for the
poor wretches, strain and tiptoe it as they will. One tall man, who
evidently knew the worth of his inches, seemed to think himself too
valuable to be let out all at once; so, he elevated himself, jack-screw
fashion, letting out one link of his vertebral column after another,
until he towered above his neighbors like a pine tree among scrub oaks.
What altitude he finally reached, I am unable to say, as he was still
on his way up (like Jack’s bean-stalk) when our omnibus passed him.
“Everything comes in use once in seven years,” says the old proverb.
I had often wondered of what earthly use could be the tottering
brick-piles, which disfigure every block in Broadway. To-day, I was
enlightened; they served admirably as points of observation for
the more adventurous spectators, and each pile was covered with
eager gazers. The windows overlooking Broadway were all filled with
neatly dressed ladies, and as the eye swept through this magnificent
thoroughfare, the rushing vehicles, the swaying, motley multitudes,
the gaily dressed ladies, the waving flags and banners which floated
over the more public and prominent edifices, presented an ever varying
panorama, that was far from being the least attractive and impressive
feature of the day. I have often thought when the people come out “to
see a sight,” that they themselves are far more imposing than what they
came to see.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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