First Love: A Novel. Vol. 2 of 3Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
General
First Love: A Novel. Vol. 2 of 3
Loudon, Mrs. (Margracia)
Fiction
“Besides,” said Frances, continuing the former part of the subject,
“grandmamma and Mr. Jackson, you know, think it quite certain that you
are the son of a noble family.”
“Still, all is mystery!” he replied, mournfully, as his thoughts reverted
to the disgraceful possibility which had of late haunted his imagination,
that of his being yet proved the child of criminal, though, perhaps of
titled parents. “In short,” he continued, “a being, such as I am, must
drag out existence, a solitary wanderer, unconnected with any, but by
the ties of charity, of compassion.” After a pause, which neither of the
sisters had voice to interrupt, he re-commenced—
“Duty, Frances, must soon again call me from the too happy dream I have
lately enjoyed. Sometimes, indeed, in an hour of peace, I may, I shall,
return to happy, happy Lodore, the dear paradise of my childhood; and
from the generous friendship there granted me, derive gleams of felicity!
snatches of a joy that will render the rest of life, perhaps, more dark.”
He was silent a few seconds, then added, “Yet so precious will such
moments ever be to me, that I shall hold them cheaply purchased by the
dreary wretchedness that must precede and follow them!” Julia’s tears
flowed silently. Frances’s too, were again starting into her eyes. “Nay,
Edmund,” said the latter, “there is something more than usual in the
matter! this love, this First Love that you speak of so feelingly, I fear
is a serious business after all! for you never were in love before, I
suppose. But, indeed, you need not grieve so much; for I know—that is—at
least—I have no right, perhaps, to betray such a trust—but still—I am
perfectly certain that—that you will not be refused.”
“For heaven’s sake what are you talking of, Frances?” exclaimed Edmund,
colouring excessively, while Julia turned deadly pale.
“I am saying,” replied Frances, “that I am sure, Lady Susan will not
refuse you: she thinks you—so——”
“Lady Susan!” repeated Edmund, in a voice of disappointment. “She
certainly never will, Frances,” he added, “for I shall never have the
folly, or the presumption, to put it in her power to do so. You know
I have just explained to you that I can never marry—at least—But I
may say never; for it would indeed be wildly romantic to hope that I
ever shall be enabled, even to seek to do so, consistently with honour,
and my own—wishes! the word is too inadequate. And were I, by the most
unlooked-for circumstances, placed at liberty—am I to—to have—the vanity
to—But you are leading me on to speak too much of myself, Frances; which
is always, you know, a dangerous, as well as an unbecoming topic.” He
ceased, and all three walked on for a time in silence. At length Julia
said, in a low tone—
“Why should it grieve you so much, Edmund, not to—to marry? I don’t think
there is any occasion for every one to be married! Now, I—for one—never
intend to marry.” Edmund started, and looked round.
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