_The curtain falls and the laughter still howls on._ THE LOST SILK HAT PERSONS THE CALLER THE LABORER THE CLERK THE POET THE POLICEMAN _Scene: A fashionable London street._ THE LOST SILK HAT _The Caller stands on a doorstep, "faultlessly dressed," but without a hat. At first he shows despair, then a new thought engrosses him._ _Enter the Laborer._ THE CALLER Excuse me a moment. Excuse me--but--I'd be greatly obliged to you if--if you could see your way--in fact, you can be of great service to me if-- THE LABORER Glad to do what I can, sir. CALLER Well, all I really want you to do is just to ring that bell and go up and say--er--say that you've come to see to the drains, or anything like that, you know, and get hold of my hat for me. LABORER Get hold of your 'at! CALLER Yes. You see, I left my hat behind most unfortunately. It's in the drawing-room (_points to window_), that room there, half under the long sofa, the far end from the door. And if you could possibly go and get it, why I'd be (_The Laborer's expression changes_)--Why, what's the matter? LABORER (_firmly_) I don't like this job. CALLER Don't like this job! But my dear fellow, don't be silly, what possible harm--? LABORER Ah-h. That's what I don't know. CALLER But what harm can there possibly be in so simple a request? What harm does there seem to be? LABORER Oh, it seems all right. CALLER _Well_, then. LABORER All these crack jobs do seem all right. CALLER But I'm not asking you to rob the house. LABORER Don't seem as if you are, certainly, but I don't like the looks of it; what if there's things what I can't 'elp taking when I gets inside? CALLER I only want my hat--Here, I say, please don't go away--here's a sovereign, it will only take you a minute. LABORER _What I want to know_-- CALLER Yes? LABORER --Is what's _in_ that hat? CALLER What's _in_ the hat? LABORER Yes; that's what I want to know. CALLER What's _in_ the hat? LABORER Yes, you aren't going to give me a sovereign--? CALLER I'll give you two sovereigns. LABORER You aren't going to give me a sovereign, and rise it to two sovereigns, for an _empty_ hat? CALLER But I must have my hat. I can't be seen in the streets like this. There's nothing _in_ the hat. What do you think's in the hat? LABORER Ah, I'm not clever enough to say that, but it looks as if the papers was in that hat. CALLER The papers? LABORER Yes, papers proving, if you can get them, that you're the heir to that big house, and some poor innocent will be defrauded. CALLER Look here, the hat's absolutely empty. I _must_ have my hat. If there's anything in it you shall have it yourself as well as the two pounds, only get me my hat. LABORER Well, that seems all right. CALLER That's right, then you'll run up and get it? LABORER