Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; First loves -- Fiction; Ireland -- Fiction
Mrs. Carroll had given me one of the upstairs rooms at Derryaghy to
be my very own, and had let me furnish it myself from a store of
old, out-moded furniture, which, for I know not how long, had been
gathering dust and cobwebs in a kind of immense, low attic called the
lumber-room. Everything was more or less threadbare and worn, but I had
plenty to choose from, and the actual rummaging was as exciting as an
adventure on a desert island. I had discovered a quaint little piano,
with but two or three octaves of notes, and most of those silent, save
for a twangling of wires. This I thought must be Prudence Carroll’s
spinet, for it looked exactly like the one in her portrait; indeed,
that had been my principal reason for bringing it downstairs. With
Prudence Carroll I had been in love all my life, and sometimes, in the
dusk, when I struck very softly one of the cracked treble notes of the
spinet, I would imagine her spirit stealing on tip-toe up behind me
to listen. Another discovery, and perhaps the most exciting, was of
an old davenport, with a secret drawer at the back of it――not so very
secret, perhaps, since I had found it without looking for it, owing to
the weakness of the spring, and my own energetic dusting. Inside was
nothing more interesting than some old accounts, written on discoloured
paper, but anybody who opened it to-day would, I fancy, find more
appropriate documents....
There was a cushioned window-seat, low and deep, and from it I could
look out over the sea. In summer, with the window wide open, I could
listen to it also, and to all kinds of lovely songs coming through
it, dreamy and happy and sad. For there was a sort of undercurrent of
dreaming that ran through my life. The romance surrounding the picture
of Prudence Carroll, that peculiar, brooding quality of mind by which
I could give to such things a kind of spiritual life that had for me
an absolute reality, was, perhaps, only too characteristic of a mental
condition which might unsympathetically be called that of perpetual
wool-gathering. Though I played cricket and football, and bathed and
knocked about generally with the other boys in the village, I had no
close friend, and I dreamed of an imaginary playmate. For this playmate
and myself I invented appropriate adventures. He had a name, which I
shall not write here, and I still think he was an extraordinarily nice
boy, but he dropped out of my existence about my fifteenth year. I
had my secret world, too, where such adventures took place. Behind
this inner, imaginative life must have lurked a vague dissatisfaction
with life as I actually found it. Now and then I read something which
appeared to me to describe my other world, and, as I chanced on such
suggestions more frequently in verse than in prose, I became a great
reader of poetry. The passages that echoed so familiarly, though so
faintly, from my mysterious, lovely land, brought it up before me very
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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