Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; First loves -- Fiction; Ireland -- Fiction
much as the scent of a flower may call up a vision of a high-walled
summer garden. Whether any reality lay behind it, I don’t know that I
even asked myself; but, on drowsy summer afternoons, dream and reality
would float and mingle together, and I would feel intensely happy.
As I write I would give much to be able to live over again one of those
summer afternoons, when the air hung heavy with the scent of mignonette
and roses, and Mrs. Carroll sat reading or working, while I lay in the
grass on my back at her feet, and the low sound of the sea splashed
through the silence of my sleepy thoughts, and the booming of a bee
was the slumberous soul of June or July heat turned to music. In those
hours my other world was very, very near.
Afterwards I sometimes wondered if there were a place where those lived
days were laid away, or if their beauty, happiness and peace, must be
quite lost. They had a quality of peacefulness that for me no later
days have had: I seemed to dip deep into their cleansing dreamy quiet,
as into a clear sea.
Other dreams I had, that were not so pleasant, but they came only
at night. One I still remember vividly was unfortunately typical of
many. I seemed to be walking down a street with another boy, when
our attention was attracted by the high, bare wall of a house. There
was something, I know not what, about this house, which made it
different from its neighbours and aroused our curiosity. We noticed
in the wall, almost on the street level, a small window. This window
was open, and a fatal fascination drew us to it at once. I watched my
friend crawl through, for we knew the house was empty; then I followed
him, the opening being just wide enough to admit me. Inside, we found
ourselves on a gigantic marble staircase, spiral in form, and winding
up and down as far as we could follow it with our eyes. There were
no windows except the one we had entered by, and it, somehow, was
invisible from inside, yet the place was perfectly lighted. There
were no landings, no doors, nothing but this staircase, absolutely
uniform in its construction, with low, broad, marble steps which wound
down and down, and up and up. The place resembled a vast, still well,
and we could not hear the slightest sound as we stood listening. The
steps were very shallow, and we ran lightly down. The other boy went
more quickly than I did, and in a little while I lost sight of him,
though I still heard his footsteps, growing ever fainter, till at last
they died away, and the stillness closed in about me with a strange
heaviness. I continued to follow him, but all at once I noticed that
the stairs I trod were darker and stained with damp. A faint chill
odour and feeling of damp and decay rose, too, into my face, and the
light was growing dimmer. I knew I was going down into a great vault
or tomb far below the ground, a charnel-house, an unknown place of
death. I caught sight far below me of a light as of a lamp burning, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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