And Frank--but for his suggestion, Frank would never have gone to
Norway, never have met Eva. Oh, that journey to Norway! how he cursed it
now; for Frank might, perhaps, not have fallen in love, and never have
thought of marriage. And now--only yesterday Westhove had called at Sir
Archibald's house, where the two friends had been made very welcome
after their acquaintance in Norway, and had come home engaged to Eva.
Frank would marry, and he, Bertie? Where was he to go? What was to
become of him?
He was painfully conscious of the fatality of life, of the injustice of
the dispensations of fortune; and he discerned that his own immediate
difficulties owed their origin to a single word. One single word:
Norway!--Norway, Eva, Frank's falling in love, Frank's engagement and
marriage, and his own shipwreck--how horribly clearly he saw every link
of the chain of his own life in each word! One word, uttered under a
foolish impulse: Norway! And it had irretrievably wrought the happiness
of two other persons at the cost of his own. Injustice! Injustice!
And he cursed the impulse, the mysterious, innate force which more or
less prompts every word we speak; and he cursed the fact that every word
uttered by the tongue of man remains beyond recall. What is that
impulse? Something obscurely good, an unconscious "better self," as men
declare, which, though deeply and mysteriously hidden, dashes ahead like
an unbroken colt, treading down the most elaborate results of careful
thought? Oh, if he had but held his tongue! Why Norway? What concern had
he with that one fatal, fateful land, above all others? Why not Spain,
Russia, Japan, good God! Kamschatka, for aught he cared; why especially
Norway? Idiotic impulse, which had unlocked his miserable lips to
pronounce that luckless name; and oh, the injustice of fate, of life, of
everything!
Energy? Will? What could will and energy do against fate? They were
words, empty words. Be a cringing fatalist, like a Turk or Arab, and let
day follow day; never think; for behind thought lurks impulse!--Fight?
Against Fate, who forges her chains blindly, link upon link?
He threw himself back in his chair, still feebly wringing his hands, and
the tears trickled again and again down his cheeks. He saw his own
cowardice take shape before him; he stared into its frightened eyes,
and he did not condemn it. For he was as fate had made him. He was a
craven, and he could not help it. Men called such a one as he a coward:
it was but a word. Why coward, or simple and loyal and brave, or good
and noble? It was all a matter of convention, of accepted meaning; the
whole world was mere convention, a concept, an illusion of the brain.
There was nothing real at all--nothing!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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