After that conversation with Eva, Bertie felt as though he were living
in a more subtle atmosphere, wandering in a labyrinth full of mysterious
ways of craft and cunning, in which he must walk very circumspectly if
he did not wish to lose himself. He knew very well what he had been
driving at; he wanted to instil into Eva suspicions of Frank's
constancy. Did she not herself know her lover to be fickle, almost
capricious? Had not his hints been well chosen? Had he not sown the seed
of doubt? He did not know. He saw nothing to reassure him in the
regular, monotonous routine of everyday life, in which subtle shades of
manner so often escape even the keenest observer. Eva had, indeed, once
asked him about that Something; but after that, in appearance at least,
their intercourse had been on the old footing again. He saw no
difference in Eva--none in Frank; so Eva could have said nothing to her
lover and asked him no questions.
Before that afternoon Bertie had known hesitancy, had felt some disgust
at his own heartlessness, some horror of his own monstrous selfishness.
But that talk with Eva had been the first step on a downward path, where
it was now impossible to turn back. A singular lucidity of thought
dawned in his brain, as though his brain was a crystal mirror, in which
his ideas were reflected in a vivid light. Never yet had he felt himself
so keenly alert, so clearly logical; never had he aimed so true at an
object in view, with the precision of a needle. The clearness of his
mind was so perfect that in a naïve perception of his own baseness--a
lucid moment of self-knowledge which once flashed on him, to his
surprise, for no more than a second--he wondered that he should not
apply so much talent and ingenuity to a nobler purpose.
"Why did you never become an artist?" he could hear Eva asking him.
But he only smiled; the practical weariness of life rose up before him;
his own indolence, his cat-like love of physical ease. No, no, he could
not help himself; so it must be. The first step was taken. It was Fate!
Then, that evening as they came out of the theatre, that woman who
belonged to their past life, his own significant nod, and his words,
"There goes Frank." Was not all this, too, a fatality? Did not Fate
strew such trivial incidents as these in the path of those who burnt
incense at her shrine and paid her due worship, to be utilised by them
as benefits--infinitely small links, which they must themselves weld
into the chain? Did not Fate give men the illusion of free will, and a
semblance of truth to the lie which says that they by their own energy
can coerce the course of circumstance? No more than a word, a
nod--"There goes Frank!"--and then, for the rest, trust to the
chance--Chance! What is chance?--that the smart damsel of the skating
rink should overlook Eva--tiny, dainty Eva--lost in the crowd.
Had the result been such as he had counted on? Had he guessed the
purpose of Fate?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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