Yes, he thought, in some small degree; why else should Frank have craved
an interview with Eva at so late an hour? And so, in that atmosphere of
finely spun cunning, in that labyrinth of wiles, he no longer regarded
himself as base, heartless, selfish. Words--mere words! It was folly to
consider things too closely; he dismissed all scruples, and if they
would sometimes force themselves on him he would argue with himself: Who
could tell whether it was not a good thing if Frank should not marry? He
was not a man to marry--no, really; he was changeable, capricious, and
inconstant; he would not make a wife happy.
Still, Van Maeren could see at once that this was self-deception; and he
would laugh to himself, shaking his head, at finding himself so droll,
so singular. Life was as nothing; nothing was worth troubling oneself
about; but this introspection, this self-study, looking into one's own
mind, juggling with one's own thoughts--that was really interesting,
that was an amusing occupation, while lying at full length on a
comfortable sofa.
And yet he seldom enjoyed any repose of mind. The web of his scheming
was perpetually being wearily woven in his mind. His interviews with Eva
were a fatiguing effort--sometimes a long discourse, sometimes only half
utterances--for he had constantly and precisely to weigh every word.
Still, this weariness was never to be detected in his air and manner, or
in the phrases which fell from his lips, so apparently unpremeditated
that they seemed alive with natural impulse. They were, in fact, the
outcome of theatrical and carefully elaborated pessimism; they were
lamentations over the ills of life, pity for Eva, wrapped in mysterious
regrets; and amid all this melancholy, accusations against
Westhove--mere trifles, passing hints, amounting to nothing but for the
tone and accent--accusations of levity, inconstancy, caprice,
fickleness. But at the slightest outcry on Eva's part he was ready to
contradict himself, fencing cleverly enough, now with himself, and now
with Eva, with all the feints of a master of the foils, just touching
her lightly--a prick here and a prick there--drawing a tiny drop of
blood at each hit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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